A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table.

It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook.

As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colourful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number."

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home.

"Oh Morris", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost? "

Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "Lost I wasn't.....I was just too tired to walk home."

The French eat more fat than the Americans do but have less heart disease. The Japanese eat less fat than the Americans do but have less heart disease.

The moral of the story? Eat what you want, it's speaking English that kills you.

— Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma