|Saturday, May 31, 2003||
THE bachelor finished his meal and placed his tip on the table as he finished his coffee. The waitress took one look at the three single pennies and said, "Thank you for your generosity. You can always tell the character of a diner by the way he tips". "Oh, really," he said, "and what does that tell you about me?" "Well you put the three pennies in a row," said the waitress, "That tells me you are tidy for starters. The first penny tells me you are frugal. The second penny tells me you are a bachelor."
"That's true," he said, "but what does the third penny tell you?"
"That tells me your
father was a bachelor too."
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand".
"OK," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert", the camel mother answers.
"Thanks, mom" replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?"
The mother, now a little impatient with the boy, replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods."
"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but... Mom?"
"Why the heck are we in the San Diego zoo?"
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her licence. He says, "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered, "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
Packing a pipe
A blonde went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box that is two-inches high, two-inches wide, and 50-foot long?"
"Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?"
"Well, you see," said the blonde, "my neighbour moved away and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden pipe."
A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, "I don't get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation."
The angel says, "We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?"
The preacher says, "Once in a while someone fell asleep."
The angel says, "Right. And when people rode in this guy's taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!"
(Culled from the Net by