Rest in peace

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"

An English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost: "I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep."

"But, Miss," replied the officer, handing her a ticket, "Frost chose the road less travelled, and unfortunately for you, this wasn't it."

A blonde goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him,

"Hey mister, what are you doing?"

To this the blonde replies," Can't you see the board here — "Wash Basin".

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said, "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."

"I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us," she replied.

A woman called up the fire department and said, "Look, I've just had a new rock garden built and I've just planted some new roses, and.."

The fireman said, "Where's the fire?"

She said, "I've just spent a lot of money having my lawn mowed and my hedges clipped. Some of my new plants are very expensive..."

He said, "Look, lady, you don't want the fire department, you want a flower shop."

She said, "No, I don't. The house next door is on fire, and I don't want you clumsy fireman stamping all over my garden when you come over."

The maths professor posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each of them get?"

A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?"

( Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)