Sleeping pills

AN exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the man answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!" "That may be true," answered the man wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill."

A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away and talks for two hours. Finally, he realises what he is doing and says; "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room says, "There's a calendar behind you."

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.

"I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one."

The next time came around and she asked again. The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby."

Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realises that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up. "Brad, are you up yet?" asks Mike. Brad sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee."

"Brad, open the newspaper to page 5."

"Why, what's in the paper?"

"Brad, get the paper and open it to page 5 now!"

"Ok, ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in page 5?"

"Brad, look at the bottom of column 4."

"Why? What's that story on?"

"Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!"

"Ok, ok, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!" The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues.

Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks in a trembling voice, "So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?"

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)