Saturday, July 12, 2003

Teenage driving

Illustration by Sandeep JoshiA young teenage girl walks into a prestige car sales room. Looks around at all the Porsches, Lamborghini's, Jags etc., and says to the salesman, "Can I have the red Porsche?"

" I'll pay cash!" and starts taking handfuls of tenners out of a carrier bag until she gets to the right price.The deal is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away. She is back two days later. "I want my money smells awfully bad when I use the brakes," she says emphatically.

Not wanting to lose the sale, the manager decides to ride in the car with her in case she is not driving it properly. He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second gear at 55 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80mph, does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to accelerate.


120mph into 4th gear; 5th at 145mph. The engine is screaming, trying to leap out of the bonnet when it reaches 170mph. The scenery is a green blur, the G-force has him pinned in the seat. In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are beginning to come down and she will have to slow down (he thinks!) instead the pitch of the engine increases.

Hundred yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops inches from the barrier.

"Can you smell it?" she says.

With a trembling voice he said "Smell it? I'm sitting in it!"

Wedding anniversary

Bill was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.

She fumed, "Bill! Put down that paper and let's talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do you suggest?"

Bill put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance, then said with a sigh, "How about two minutes of silence?"

About arguments

Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes.

One of them said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word."

"Wow!" said the other, "How do you manage that?"

"It's easy," he replied. "My last words are always 'Yes, Dear.'"


A crusty old man went into the bank and asked for $250.00 in ones and fives. As the line behind him grew, the teller laboriously counted out the money and passed it over. The old man said, "I believe I'll count that myself." As the line stretched out of the door, he slowly counted the money a second time. "Well," said the irritated teller when he finished, "it's all there, isn't it?"

"Yes," answered the old man, "but just barely."

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)