Flowers

AN absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, many bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handledly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"

Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

"No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."

"I'll have black coffee too," Bill said. "And please make sure the cup is clean."

The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back.

"Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"

Managing to pull himself onto the bus early one morning, the drunk stumbled over passengers, knocked over bags and briefcases, and finally fell into a seat beside a prim old woman. He slumped over her, and she pushed him back.

"Mister," she said indignantly. "I hate to say it, but you are going straight to hell!"

Startled, the drunk leapt to his feet. "Oh my God, I'm on the wrong bus!"

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)