Saturday, April 17, 2004
A man walks pass a beggar on the corner of the street where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand. One day the man walks pass the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding hold out both his hands. He asks: "Why are you holding out both of your hands?" The beggar replies, " You see sir, business is going on so well that I decided to open another branch".
On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.
"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.
The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "...underwater."
A man was searching the dictionary for the word (dictionary). He found this meaning: Dictionary is the thing which you are holding, stupid.
So he searched for the word (stupid). He found : Is that you again?
A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five-dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar. The bartender picked up the five-dollar bill, folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket. Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him. Doing a bit of fast thinking, he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five- dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."
Two priests were riding very fast on a motor cycle. They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, "What do you think you are doing? What if you have an accident?" The priests said, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us."
The policeman said, "In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motor cycle."
—Compiled by Sunil Sharma