Saturday, February 12, 2005
A nine-year-old boy, Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, youíd never believe it."
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. "Whatís this little pocket thing here on the side for?"
"Oh, thatís to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when youíve jogged too far."
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheistís life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious manís job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldnít give him the time of the day.
So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesnít even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above: "Because he doesnít bother me all the time."
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get out of here. Iím smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said ĎFour Score and Seven Years Agoí?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "Thatís right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said ĎI Have a Dreamí?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "Thatís right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said ĎAsk not, what your country can do for youí?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "Thatís right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back, Johnny says, "I wish these stupid girls would keep their mouths shut."
The teacher turns around and said angrily. "Now who said that?"
Johnny: "Bill Clinton. Can I go now?"
Compiled by Sunil Sharma