Saturday, April 29, 2006

Well played

WELL, Ted, youíre certainly coming up in the world. Whatís the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies?" "Oh, it was my wifeís idea." "Your wife?" "Yeah," answers Ted, "She thought I should spend more time with the kids."

Calm logic

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I donít know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!"

The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you."

Whatís in store?

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small note-books?" "Sorry," says the manager.

"Weíre all out." The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"

"Nope, donít have that either," says the manager.

The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have chapstick?"

The manager shrugs, "Sorry."

"Wow!" the woman shouts, "If you donít have anything, you should close the stupid store."

The manager shrugs, "Donít have the key."

Brain power

In a sociology class, the teacher asked all the students to write down the answers of some questions she was asking. "Next question," announced the teacher. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?"

A young blonde woman turned and asked her fellow student, "How do you spell Ďintellectualí?"

Prized pet

A little boy took his dog on a "take your pet to school" day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet. Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks. Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, "Mindy, how much is two plus two minus four?" The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent. "Right!" exclaimed the boy. His dog won the first prize.

Worth a read

"For heavenís sake, why canít you talk to me once in a while?" an angry wife whined, "You always have your head buried in a book. You donít even seem to know Iím alive." "Iím sorry, honey," the husband said. "Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then youíd at least look at me," she exclaimed. "Hmm," the husband mumbled, "thatís not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."

Colourful past

A thief was caught and produced before a judge. "I understand you admit to having broken into the dress shop four times," the judge said. "Yes, your honour," the suspect replied. "What did you steal?" the judge asked. "I stole a dress, your honour," replied the suspect. "One dress?" the judge bellowed. "But you have admitted to breaking in four times."

"Yes, your honour," sighed the suspect, "but the first three times my wife didnít like the colour."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma