Saturday, September 2, 2006

Back and forth

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge.

The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?” The man said, “Here and there.”

The judge said, “What do you do for a living?” The man said, “This and that.”

The judge then said, “Take him away.” The man said, “Wait, judge, when will I get out?” The judge said, “Sooner or later...”

Failing sight

An old snake goes to see his doctor. “Doc, I need something for my eyes...can’t see well these days”. The doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in two weeks. The snake comes back in two weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.

The doc says, “What’s the problem...didn’t the glasses help you?”

“The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose for the past two years.”

No baggage

A man couldn’t find his luggage at the airport baggage area. So he went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags never showed up.

She smiled and told him not to worry because she was a trained professional and he was in good hands.

“Now first,” she asked him, “has your plane arrived yet?”

Nut bolts

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died.

Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, “I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs Vernon. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell...the nut has gone to heaven.”

Wrong pill

An older man strode into his doctor’s office and said, “Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs Smith.”

“Oh, did he?” the doctor shot back.

“And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?”

The old man says, “Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since December.”

Compiled by Sunil Sharma