Saturday, January 6, 2007

Baby talk

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more that a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "Thatís interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "Itís simple," replied the girl.

"You just change Ďyí to Ďií and add Ďesí."

Raise a toast

A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The man raises his glass and says, "Hereís hoping youíre in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows youíre dead!"

"What does that mean?" asks the girl.

"That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."

"Oh. Well, hereís to bread, eggs and cinnamon."

"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? Whatís that?"

The girl says, "Thatís French toast."

Life support

My wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of my beer!

Stay warm

Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter hit with all its fury. "I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Ruth wondered.

"It sure does," said Sam, looking through the ownerís manual.

"Here it is...rear defrosters."

Small price

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I donít think we can afford it."

The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment. Then you donít make another payment for six months."

Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?"

Hard to bear

It was a really hot day at the office. There were about 20 people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on. All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odour passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelt. One man said, "Uh oh, someoneís deodorant isnít working." A man in the corner replied, "It canít be me. Iím not wearing any."

Ground reality

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesnít open; and the reserve doesnít open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?"

The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma