WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Pet peeve

During a countywide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signalled a car to pull over to the curb. When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him.

"Does your dog have a licence?" he asked. "Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn’t need one; I always do the driving."

Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide. One says to the other, "I’m sorry, I was looking for my wife."

"What a coincidence, so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate."

"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"

"She’s tall, tanned with long blonde hair, long legs, hourglass figure with not an ounce of fat. What does your wife look like?" "Never mind, let’s look for yours!"

"How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher’s wife.

"Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she said ‘do you think I’m nuts?’ and the groom said ‘I do,’ and then things really began to happen fast."

A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in peace" for her husband’s tombstone. When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving. This was impossible; the words were chiselled and could not be changed. "In that case," she said, "please add ‘Until we meet again’."

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied. The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

A real estate agent had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!"

My kids love surfing the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on sticky notes. One day I noticed their password was "BatmanSupermanRobinJoker". And so I asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma