Saturday, March 24, 2007

Tipsy trek

Two drunks were walking down a railroad track one night when one drunk stops and says, “This is the longest set of stairs I have ever seen.” The other drunk says, “Yes and these damned handrails are too low too.”

Wedding woes

They were having their first fight, and finally he said, “When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey.” She said, “I know. But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.”

Words of love

“Do you love me with all your heart and soul?” asked Becky. “Mmm hmm.” replied Dave. “Do you think I’m the most beautiful girl in the world?”  

“Mmm hmm.” “Do you think my lips are like rose petals?” “Mmm hmm.”   “Oh Dave,” gushed Becky, “you say the most beautiful things!”  

Weighty matter

Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, “Seems like all we do is fight. I’ve been so upset that I’ve lost twenty pounds.” “Why don’t you just leave him?” asked the friend. “Oh! Not yet,” the first replied. “I’d like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first.”

True confession

Little Danny O’Brian, a fine Catholic lad, was out looking for trouble. He tripped people on the street, threw bricks through windows, smacked folks on the head and generally caused mischief until a passing cop stopped him.

“What’s going on here?” bellowed the officer.

“It’s like this officer,” winked Danny. “I am on my way to confession and I’m a little short of  material.”

Blind faith

“That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-boyfriend.” “I know, but I don’t hold any grudges.” “I’m surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out  with her.” “Well, I had to swear to him she’s Jennifer Lopez’s double.” “Wow! Is that true?” “I wouldn’t lie. She’s twice her weight and twice her age.”  

Compiled by Sunil Sharma