Saturday, June 30, 2007

Long & short of it

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. “How much do you weigh?” she asks. “115,” she says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140 lbs. The nurse asks, “Your height?” “5 foot 8 inches,” she says. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5’ 5”. She then takes the patient’s blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high. “Of course it’s high.” she screams, “When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now I’m short and fat.”

Watery response

Teacher: “Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?”

Donald: “H I J K L M N O.”

Teacher: “What are you talking about?”

Donald: “Yesterday you said it’s H to O.”

The last Valentine

Jim was in trouble. He forgot Valentine’s Day. His wife was really angry. She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds and it better be there.” The next morning Jim got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift. It was wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Jim has been missing since that day….

Apple a day

A doctor and a dentist fell in love with a same girl. One day, the dentist had to go abroad for one week to fulfil his work, so he gave the girl seven apples and asked her to eat one apple everyday. Know why? An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Be all ears

One day an employee came in to work with both his ears bandaged. When his boss asked him what happened, he explained: “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone.”

“Well,” the boss said, “that explains one ear, but what about the other?” “They called back!”

Compiled by Sunil Sharma