A beggar approached a passerby and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup of coffee?"
"Thatís ridiculous. Do you really think anyone in their right mind would pay that much for a cup of coffee?"
"Just a yes or no, buddy," the beggar growled. "I donít need a damn lecture about how to run my business."
In safe hands
Patient: "Doctor I heard 10 per cent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die". Doctor: "Donít worry man, those 10 per cent patients operated by me are already dead. Now itís the turn of the 90 per cent survivors".
For the first time in many years, an old man went to a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant Rs 60, he couldnít help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only Rs 5." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "youíre really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
Rest in peace
There lived a woman in a certain rural area. Her husband lived in the town where he was employed. So this man used to come home (rural) after every month. Then the man fell ill and died. Burial was arranged and the man was laid to rest. On the tombstone as usual were written the words... Rest In Peace. On hearing that her husband lived a promiscuous life in the city the woman was so incensed with this and went to the grave and wrote next to the words Rest In Peace ...Till I Come.
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?"
"What," answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.
"Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Letís offer them ham and eggs?" "Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, thatís a contribution. For me, itís a total commitment."
Compiled by Sunil Sharma