ISO-certified cops
Jaspal Bhatti Jaspal Bhatti

THE Director General of Police (DGP), Punjab, Mr P. S. Gill, recently said that the state was going to get 100 International Standard Organisation (ISO)-certified police stations soon. I know that he intends to improve things but what I envisage about quality management and service standards is a bit different from the DGP’s vision.

According to the ISO, you have to give a brief document stating your quality goals, objectives and commitment.

This means every certified police station should be quite clear about its weekly target of bribe money, it has to meet. This money has to be sent to their higher-ups and political masters. Their goals should be measurable. The SHO should not have any excuse like he could not extract the targeted amount, as, " unfortunately the crime rate has dropped in my area."

As far commitment and service standards are concerned, the police should remain totally committed to the party in power, implicating its opponents in false cases with zero tolerance. Every station house should have routine checklists, which every man in police uniform should tick off on a daily and hourly basis. The checklists may read like this:

See the mirror every hour to ensure that you have an unfriendly look.

Do not offer a chair to anybody unless the other person is a hardened and known criminal.

If you feel like helping someone without accepting money, refer yourself to a psychiatrist as soon as possible.