Webside HUMOUR

Horse race

Illustration: Sandeep JoshiA man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand.

Man: “What was that for?”

Wife: “Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with ‘Daisy’ written on it?”

Man: “Oh honey, don’t you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on.”

The wife was satisfied, and apologised for bonking him.

Three days later, he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he is bonked on the head. 

Man: “What’s that for this time?”

Wife: “Your horse called.”

Check your bill
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, fax, photocopying, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then, he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list, “For crossing the street to talk to you, then discovering it wasn’t you at all — $125.”

Sweet revenge

Wanting to borrow some money to make a six-month tour of Europe, a man went to the bank where he had done business for years. The bank refused the loan. He went to another bank and obtained the loan without any difficulty. 

Then he bought a five pound fish, had it wrapped, and put it in his safe deposit box at the first bank as he joyfully left for his six month vacation.

Blame game

A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. 

“I'd like a little brother,” the boy said.

“Well,” said the boy, “there's only so much I can blame on the dog.”

Kind act

Rachel asked her mother for a dollar to give to a little old lady in the park.

Kathy, impressed by her daughter's kindness, gave her the dollar. 

“There you are Rachel,” said Kathy. “But, tell me, isn’t the little old lady able to work any more?”

“Oh she works!” was Rachel’s reply, “She sells candy!”

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma