A man while working in his office received a frantic telephone call from his wife.
Wife: "Dear there's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
Husband: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous. How could it be possible?"
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the lake."
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewellery store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"
Two morons are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"
The fisherman replies, "If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a tonne of hungry fish."
They thank him and go on their way. Fifteen minutes later, one fisherman says to the other "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty." He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty."
Thirty minutes later, he asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty." One hour later, they check again. "Nope. Still salty." "This isn't good," the fisherman finally says.
"We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!" "I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!"
A blind man goes into a bar. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you want to hear a dumb blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls deadly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: One: The bartender is a blonde woman. Two: The bouncer at the door is a blonde man. Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a martial arts expert. Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude. Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says, "No. Who will explain it five times."
— Compiled by Sunil Sharma