A matter of will
"Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed ‘Rest in Peace’ on your orders. I can’t change it now."
"Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, ‘Until We Meet Again’."
"This is a very smart dog," the man commented.
"Not so smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail."
He didn’t know what I was talking about so I said, "These vegetables are for my husband. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
And he said, "No, ma’am. You’ll have to do that yourself."
"The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it’s your fork."
"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor.
"My General Practitioner."
"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."
The defence attorney knew he had his work cut out for him in order to make his client appear more sympathetic to the judge, since she had been so "matter-of-fact" about the whole thing all during the trial.
"Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband?"
"Well... yeah... I guess...", she replied.
"And when was that?" pressed the attorney.
"Well... when he asked for a second cup of coffee," she said.
Compiled by Sunil Sharma