A man from the city was visiting a small farm. During the visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have either a zipper or any buttons. Finally, he stopped the bike and told the other guy, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest." After thinking for a while, he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. So, they were driving down the road and they came around this curve and wrecked. The farmer that lived there called the police and told them what happened.
The police asked him, "Are either of them showing any life signs?"
The farmer then said, "Well, that first one was 'till I turned his head around the right way."
A couple, with three children, waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said and added exasperatingly, "Two round trips, three one-way."
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," said the expert.
"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day, I told her, "Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes", replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
Jimmy's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when little Jimmy handed him a poor paper. "This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes."
"One person didn't," replied little Jimmy defensively. "My father helped me."
Compiled by Sunil Sharma