Penny wise
Sunil Sharma

Illustration: Sandeep JoshiTHE bachelor finished his meal and placed his tip on the table as he finished his coffee. The waitress took one look at the three single pennies and said, "Thank you for your generosity. You can always tell the character of a diner by the way he tips". "Oh, really," he said, "and what does that tell you about me?" "Well, you put the three pennies in a row," said the waitress, "That tells me you are tidy for starters. The first penny tells me you are frugal. The second penny tells me you are a bachelor."

"That's true," he said, "but what does the third penny tell you?"

"That tells me your father was a bachelor, too."

Male factor

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"

The father answered immediately, "I just don't know, son. No male, has ever lived that long yet."

Resurrection scare

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.

Word of the mouth

As per research a man speaks 25,000 words daily & a woman speaks 30,000. Problem starts when husband comes home from office after consuming his 25,000 words and wife starts her 30,000.

Early bird

Mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 a.m. the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, dad." she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

Shoe time

The clerk in a shoe store was trying hard to persuade his customer that a pair of uncomfortable shoes fit her.

"Iím telling you, these shoes are too pointed and too narrow," argued the customer.

"But, madam," replied the salesman, "everyone is wearing narrow, pointed shoes this season."

"That may be," countered the customer, "but Iím still wearing my last seasonís feet."