Webside humour
Teaching a lesson
Sunil Sharma

A woman was found guilty in traffic court. When the judge asked for her occupation, she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight and told her, “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not jump a red light’ five hundred times.”

Date ready

Early one evening a man went out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out on to the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawn mower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle. A curious neighbour wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

“No,” replied the gentleman, “my son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date.”

“So what’s with all the stuff?” asked the neighbour.

“Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him.”

Daddy dearest

The long-awaited day came at last when a mother took her three year old son Harry to station to welcome her husband home from the war. The kid, Harry, was very small when his father went overseas. He couldn’t remember what the father looked like and was watching everything intently.

As the soldiers left the train, they marched past the roped-off crowds. Harry’s father was the first to come by and his mother ran towards him and hug him. They were overjoyed to have him back home again, and everything went smoothly until later in the day when little Harry misbehaved and his dad scolded him. Harry glared at him, then turned to Mother and demanded indignantly, “Did you have to pick the first one you saw?”

Wrong person

A guy was travelling home on a train. Feeling very sleepy, he gave the man sitting opposite him a $ 10 bill to wake him when the train stopped in Small town. Turns out the fellow traveller was a barber, and felt that for $10, the guy deserved more service. So, while the guy was sleeping, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. Upon arriving in Small town, and being awakened by the barber, the guy, headed for home. Reaching home, he went into the bathroom to wash up, whereupon he saw himself in the mirror and let out a scream. “What’s the matter?” his wife asked. “That dummy on the train took my ten bucks and then woke up someone else.”

Nothing personal

“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Pastor,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.” “I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied. “It’s not a reflection on you, sir,” insisted the churchgoer. “Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”

Spilled beans

It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. “They just don’t make these bags like they used to,” the clerk quipped to the customer. “That was supposed to happen in your driveway!”