Webside humour

unil Sharma
Au naturel

One night, a husband and wife were getting dressed before going out for dinner. The wife put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to her husband and said, “Does this look natural?” 

Singularly lucky

“Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir,” urged the street vendor. 
“I haven’t got a wife,” replied the young man. 
“Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart.” 
“I don’t have a sweetheart, either.” 
“Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck.” 

Play it by the ear

A doctor received an emergency call from a patient. She had a fly in her ear. He suggested an old home remedy. “Pour warm olive oil into your ear and lie down for a few minutes,” he said. “When you lift your head the fly should emerge with the liquid.” 
The patient thought that sounded like a good idea, but she still asked, “Into which ear should I pour the oil?” 


A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.” 
The confused agent said, “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.” “Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!” 

On a blink

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. 
“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.” 

Blissfully amnesic

“George is so forgetful,” the sales manager complained to his secretary. “It’s a wonder he can sell anything. I asked him to pick me up some sandwiches on his way back from lunch and I’m not sure he’ll even remember to come back.” 
Just then, the door flew open and in bounced George. 
“You’ll never guess what happened!” he shouted. “While I was at lunch, I met old man Brown, who hasn’t bought anything from us for five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this half-million dollar order!” 
“See,” sighed the sales manager to his secretary. “I told you he’d forget the sandwiches.” 

Ms know-it-all

An interesting advertisement in the newspaper.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. 
Got married last weekend. Wife 
knows everything.