A woman went to the menís section of a department store and asked the salesman to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When the salesman asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.
"I donít know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck."
The reception had ended and the newlyweds had just sneaked off to the honeymoon resort. After supper and champagne, the groom retired to the bedroom. But the bride pulled a chair up to the balcony doors and sat there, gazing at the stars.
"Dear," asked the somewhat impatient husband. "Arenít you coming to bed?"
"No," she announced. "My mother told me this was going to be the most beautiful night of my life, and I donít want to miss a single minute of it."
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his application, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his application and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"Itís called the door!"
Bees and birds
One day little Johnny came up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did I come from?"
Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time his son knew the facts of life. So, Dad told his son how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born.
As Dad told the story, his sonís eyes got wider and wider.
When Dad was finished, his son said, "Wow, thatís really neat. That sure beats what Billy told me. He said that he came from Philadelphia."
A well-dressed gentleman entered an upscale restaurant in the East End of Manhattan, and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came over and asked "What can I get you to drink, sir"?
The gentleman responded, "Nothing, thank you. I tried alcohol once, didnít like it, and never tried it again."
The bartender was a bit perplexed, but being a friendly, outgoing sort, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered the gentleman a cigarette.
The gentleman refused, saying, "I tried smoking once, didnít like it, and never did it again. The point is, I wouldnít be in here at all, except that Iím waiting for my son."
The bartender retorted, "Your only child, I presume?"
Ken and Marjorie finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library.
"You know," said Marjorie, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they donít use the word Ďobeyí anymore."
"Too bad, isnít it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humour to the occasion."