Webside humour

Same difference 
by Sunil Sharma

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into four pieces or six pieces. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into four pieces, I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat six pieces." 

Grudgingly respectable

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested. "Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the Judge."

Getting mileage

A man was asked about the gas mileage he got on his new car. He said he thought he got about four miles to the gallon, while his teenage son got the other thirty.

Smart selling

The salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in the department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside..." 

Cow(ed) husband

One day a salesman stopped by the Jones farm, knocked, and Mrs Jones came to the door.
"Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any problem ... He's the one with the beard and moustache." 

Sales trick

An eager salesman was trying to have a country storekeeper carry his product, and finally tried to bribe the fellow with a bottle of champagne. "Oh, my conscience wouldn't let me take such a gift," the storekeeper protested. "What if I sell it to you for a dime?" asked the salesman. "In that case," replied the man, "I'll take two."

Safe passage

Sal, a pilot for a major airline, carries his running clothes in a backpack, freeing his hands for his luggage. On one trip, he told he noticed passers-by grinning at him in the terminal. Sal smiled back. Maybe some of them were on my last flight, he thought. His ego was brimming until he got to the cockpit and stowed his bags. That's when he saw the "Parachute" sign his co-workers had stuck to his backpack.

Say it with flowers

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read, "Say It With Flowers."
"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist. "Only one?" the florist asked. "Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."