Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "itís not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what do I do with the BODY?"
Miss Evans addressed her third-grade class after recess:
"Did anyone lose a dollar on the playground?"
"I did, Miss Evans," said Rob. "A dollar bill fell out of my pocket."
"But this was four quarters," said Miss Evans.
"Hmm," replied Rob. "It must have broken when it hit the ground."
A man rushed to the jewellery counter in the store where I work soon after the doors opened one morning and said he needed a pair of diamond earrings. I showed him a wide selection, and quickly he picked out a pair.
When I asked him if he wanted the earrings gift-wrapped, he said, "Thatíd be great. But can you make it quick? I forgot today was my anniversary, and my wife thinks Iím taking out the trash."
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result, they seldom had guests. Johnny was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "Itís no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
Love thy neighbour
We were staying at a country resort and became friendly with the handyman. "My neighbour has a nice little cottage for sale, case youíre interested," he told us.
Despite its run-down appearance, we fell in love with the place and bought it "as is."
The day we moved in, our new friend dropped by. "You got a good buy," he admitted. "Cottage needs some work though. Roof leaks, plumbingís shot and the well runs dry in the summer."
Dismayed, I retorted, "Why didnít you tell us that before we bought it?"
"Werenít neighbours then," he replied.
Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day.
"How do you get your son up so early on school mornings?" asks the first woman.
"Oh, thatís easy," replies the second. "I just throw the cat on his bed."
"Why does that wake him up?"
"He sleeps with the