FOR the first time in many years, an old man went to a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant Rs. 75, he couldn’t help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 paise." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "you’re really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he’s in his brown suit. She’d specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she’d brought it especially for that occasion, and she was angry that the mortician left him in the same brown suit he’d been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him. She demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she’d brought especially for that purpose.
The undertaker said, "But madam! It’s only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can’t possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time."
The lady said angrily, "Who’s paying for this?"
Seeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit. After the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow complimented the undertaker on the smooth and speedy service. She especially wanted to know how he’d been able to get her husband into a blue suit so fast.
The funeral director said, "Oh, it was easy. It happens that there was another body in the back and he was already dressed in a blue suit. All we had to do was switch heads!"
The father was doubtful of his son’s sudden interest to become body builder. Nevertheless he went with the teenager to the weight-lifting department.
"Please, Dad," begged the boy, "I promise I’ll use these every day...."
"I’m not so sure, Danny. You may lose interest in the equipment," his father was quick to point out.
"Ahhhh please, Dad?"
"Besides, it’s quite an expense," the father added.
"I promise, Dad, I’ll use them...."
Danny finally won, and his Dad paid for the equipment. As the father was leaving the department, he heard his son call out..."What! You mean I have to carry this stuff to the car?"
As a publicity campaign an airline introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip???"