As a newlywed pair opened their wedding gifts, they admired them with enthusiasm.
The groom said, "We can really use these towels!"
The bride said, "We'll love dining off these dishes!"
Then they unwrapped a vacuum cleaner and the bride teased, "Look what YOU got, honey!"
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief ceremony in front of the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.
Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time. As she sat in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the altar. Mary whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said....
"So why is the groom wearing black?"
Groom-to-be to his fiancée: "$6,800 for a dress that's only going to be worn ONCE? What's up with THAT?!"
"Who says it's only going to be worn once?"
"Oh? You're planning to get married again? Gee, thanks."
"That's not what I meant."
"You know you can't wear white the second time, anyway."
"No, but I do hope to have a daughter. She'll wear it on her wedding day. And she'll have a daughter who will wear it on her wedding day. And her daughter will wear it on her wedding day. It will become a family heirloom."
"I'll bet your mother never bought such an extravagant dress."
"Oh yeah? Well, she did too, smarty!"
"Then why don't you wear hers?"
"Who wants to get married in THAT old thing?"
"How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife. "Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she said, 'Do you think I'm nuts?' and the groom said, 'I do,' and then things really began to happen fast."
A wife returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbour. "I did everything all wrong again today," she said. "I talked too loud, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in too soon, and I caught more fish than he did."