FOMO, the fear of missing out

Dr Prakriti Poddar

Have you ever experienced FOMO? Stumped? Well, it's an acronym for the ‘fear of missing out’ on something your friends and acquaintances are enjoying thoroughly. Alarmingly, a large section of youth suffers from this phenomenon. Leading psychologists describe FOMO as a pervasive apprehension that others may be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent. This social anxiety is characterised by a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing. FOMO is also defined as a fear of regret that may lead to a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity for social interaction, a novel experience, a profitable investment, or other satisfying events. In other words, FOMO perpetuates the fear of having made the wrong decision on how to spend time since one can imagine how things could be different.

This phenomenon occurs mostly among the youth but children as young as seven years old too could fall prey to it. Parents bring their child in for various concerns of behavior, and sometimes do not even highlight this concern, but therapists recognise the symptoms.

SOCIAL MEDIA

Most studies link the rise of FOMO to the growing use of social media sites such as Instagram and Facebook. These tend to highlight other people's lives, vacation, friends, family, clothes, etc, and one begins to compare his life to theirs, not realising that the high gloss definition is not real but only reel. Trust me, I have three kids and to get them all in a really happy, smiling frame, exhibiting 'a fun family moment', has taken many attempts. What you have to be aware of is that Facebook/Instagram wasn't really set out to be a platform for bragging. Happiness is not meant to be a competition. And when it becomes one, you lose your sense of wellbeing.

I met this 22-year-old boy, who was severely depressed. Upon studying his habits, behaviour and daily activities, it became apparent that he was spending close to eight hours in a day on social media, irrationally exaggerating his expectations from life and hampering his sense of satisfaction. He was unable to establish deep connection with his friends because he continuously felt they were hiding things from him and were blocking him from being involved in all the fun activities. He was consumed by self-pity and helplessness and felt that everyone else had a better life. The saddest part was that he was unable to see/appreciate things that were plentiful in his life. We had to shift his focus from public approval to personal approval to restore his state of wellbeing.

HOW TO FIGHT IT

Imperative to wellbeing and a mantra for all religions is developing an attitude of counting your blessings. What is needed is the skill to counter the state of negative comparison. This is possible through several mind-related programmes. The best part about these programmes is that we can even start the transformation with 3-year-olds as these doesn’t require technical skills and benefits at all.

Transformation

• Identify the things that add value to your life and immediately reduce the overall time spent on social media.
• Unfollow people on social media who tend to make you uneasy. Only follow those who add value to your life, the ones who are positive and supportive
• Increase exercise and mindfulness
• Identify the real connections in your life and begin to nurture them
• Maintain a gratitude and attitude journal
• Training the brain

What is required is a change of mindset through holistic reframing and training. Cognitive, behavioral and neurological aspects need to be taken into consideration and tweaked to operate at the highest level of functioning to create patterns that are able to draw upon happiness. When you start thinking positive, you are training your brain to look at things from a perspective that adds value to your life. It's time to vanquish your desire to tally your online abundance to others and vice-versa. Remember, everyone is fighting his own battles and it is your job to keep yourself happy. It is time to be smart in your interaction with the most advanced age of the human race and protect yourself from falling prey to loneliness and sorrow.

— The writer is an expert in mental health at Poddar Wellness

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