Fear of unmaking robs mind of power of reasoning : The Tribune India

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Fear of unmaking robs mind of power of reasoning

It grew louder with each passing moment. It had started as a whisper, a soft uncertain voice. Now, it was a continuous chant, reverberating in my head, heard loud and clear over the din of the shlokas. “It’s a scam....it’s a huge scam,” it echoed.

Fear of unmaking robs mind  of power of reasoning

Illustration: Sandeep Joshi



MANJU GUPTA

It grew louder with each passing moment. It had started as a whisper, a soft uncertain voice. Now, it was a continuous chant, reverberating in my head, heard loud and clear over the din of the shlokas. “It’s a scam....it’s a huge scam,” it echoed. I was sitting in the ‘pheras’ of my nephew and listening to the pandit’s interpretation of our holy scriptures. I was trying to make sense of his instructions on how weddings should be performed. The pandit dutifully invited the entire pantheon of Gods and Goddesses to preside over the function. He greeted them with flowers, washed their feet, offered ‘paan’, urged them to partake of the feast and bless the newlyweds. Of course, everything was symbolic, a figment of imagination, only the ‘dakshina’ was real.  So, we paid crisp new currency notes for various hypothetical expenses, including a saree for Goddess Lakshmi!

It had all started pretty innocuously. My nephew had decided that he had found the girl of his dreams and we had decided to let his dreams come true. When we started planning the wedding, we were practically coerced into performing the function within the limited ‘saya’ period, before ‘tara doobna’ (star set?). This forced us to hunt for a venue in the heavily booked ‘shaadi’ season and pay much more than the usual rates. The printer of our choice was too busy to deliver cards on time, so we had to settle for someone of lesser repute; the same applied for garment makers. Flowers were more expensive, as was food. From the horse carriage to ferry the groom to the pandit to marry him to his sweetheart, everything came with a huge season surcharge. After paying for all rituals we chose to forgo the post-wedding blessings of the neighbourhood eunuchs. At a non-negotiable price of Rs 51,000, we couldn’t afford them. So, we risked their wrath. Sometimes you have to cut your losses and not count on blessings!

Besides the financial aspect, there were other logistical problems. We were in the middle of what is called a ‘bhari saya’ in local parlance. It seemed that half the world was getting married and the other half was invited. So, there were traffic snarls and gridlocks causing unheard of delays. Due to the congestion some of our guests never made it to the venue and were forced to return midway. All in all, my prudent, rational mind felt that limiting marriages to a few ‘auspicious’ days in a year was both inconvenient and unnecessary, totally avoidable. 

The same prudent, rational mind took a back seat when on my well wishers’ insistence I went to the temple to get my new car blessed. I stood patiently as the pandit drew a ‘chandan satia’ on the steering wheel, installed a small Ganesh idol on the dashboard, lit incense sticks and tied sacred red threads on the wing mirrors, all the while chanting some incomprehensible verses. I obligingly gave him the ‘dakshina’ and feeling suitably protected drove off. Was it a mere coincidence or were the forces above mocking me, because when I switched on my car stereo, Jagjit Singh crooned, “Mere jaise ban jaoge, jab ishq tumhein ho jayega; Har baat gawara kar loge, mannat bhi utara kar loge; Tabeezein bhi bandhwaaoge, jab ishq tumhein ho jayega”.

I secretly wondered if I was a hypocrite or simply scared. Why do we go along with such sham if we don’t believe in it?  Most of us have grown up ‘touching wood’ and ‘eating dahi cheeni’ for good luck. Life is so uncertain and mishaps are so many that we grab onto anything that is remotely reassuring. This futile attempt at self preservation is ingrained in our DNA. We like to play it safe and save ourselves from regret, the ‘if only we had.....’ remorse that follows any untoward incident. It is this fear of the unknown that is exploited, but it doesn’t condone our own role in the scheme of things. 

So, am I an educated illiterate or an average human with a reduced appetite for risk? Seems some introspection is needed...just waiting for an auspicious time to begin!

(The writer is a gynaecologist based at Gharaunda)

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