Build a strong defence

Sanjay Arora

So, you thought bullying ended at school — think again, there are bullies at the work place too!! The pushy co-worker, the toxic boss and the all the people who make going to work less pleasurable! 

A Gallup research suggests that that one in two employees have left a job “to get away from their manager at some point in their career.” Toxic bosses are also the reason for stress at the work places which manifests itself in many ways — insomnia, psychological and physiological ailments, depression etc. In my case it was loss of self-belief. I allowed these bosses through the years, to corrode away my confidence and make me unsure and skeptical about my capabilities. 

Of course, the easiest way to get away from bullying is quitting. But the right response is to develop some coping mechanisms that  will allow you to continue working amicably with such bosses and even be successful. But first let’s  talk about the different kinds of toxicity workers may have to deal with. Business Insider sums it up beautifully in an article, which lists the 8 traits of a toxic bosses.

• Mangers who only look after themselves
• Managers who steal the spotlight
• Managers who are never wrong
• Confused managers who don’t know the direction they’re headed
• Managers who like control
• Managers who are bullies
• Managers who are missing in action
• Managers who are narcissists

Most of the employees would have dealt with one or more of these traits in one form or the other. The key lessons to learn and imbibed here are:

Focus on the job not the person: Easier said than done. But it’s the only way to remain sane. Focus on keeping your head down and turning around high-quality work time and time again. This protects you from managers who look out only for themselves, managers who are bullies, those missing in action and those who like control. 

Focus on your learning, focus on gaining experiences, focus on being thorough. The idea is for you to triumph even when the odds are not in your favour.

Focus on building your brand — be known for what you are good at, participate in networking events, participate in cross functional teams and projects, work with leaders across the organisation. Create your personal brand in the larger organisation, which a toxic manager can never take away from you. Shift the onus of getting you the limelight, from your manager to yourself. 

Look for an executive coach: Just like the Tin Man, who realised that he had a heart, alexithymic executives can easily learn to deal with their own emotions with the help of a coach. When they do, the change in how they relate to others helps them inspiring the best from themselves raising their morale, and making their work-place more exciting places to work. 

Sigmund Freud once said in conversation with novelist Stefan Zweig that all his life he had been “struggling with the demon” — the demon of irrationality. 

Executives who fail to see the irrational side of their bosses are like ships facing an iceberg, not realising the fact that the biggest danger is not what is visible but it lies under the surface. 

Remember what Charles Darwin said — It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to a challenge.  

Set limits: For our emotional well-being it is important that we set boundaries for ourselves about what kinds of behaviour we will or will not tolerate. This helps us remain strong in the face of bullying or narcissism. Practising mindfulness also brings a lot of peace, it helps in not being overly reactive or overwhelmed by what is happening around us. 

Do not bitch about your boss: We are all human and often resort to this type of venting. However doing this gives them more power over us. Not bitching or bad mouthing a toxic boss, is like taking the proverbial high road, it bring a lot of credibility and peace to you when we do not stoop to their levels. 

Create your support system at work: This basically means your go-to people in times of stress, people to speak to, to be used as a sounding board when you feel conflicted, stressed or just low. Do not vent about the person to this group, but use them more constructively to deal with situations, reduce stress and bounce off ideas. 

— The writer is Director, Maven