Kiss him goodbye… : The Tribune India

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Kiss him goodbye…

Relationships are one of the most rewarding parts of life.

Kiss him goodbye…


Abha Chaudhary 

Relationships are one of the most rewarding parts of life. The ability to connect with another person and feel like someone truly understands you, is an incredible feeling. On the other hand, relationships can complicate a person’s story and make it a constant struggle to let go of things. It’s ironic to think that what can bring a person so much joy can also be the same thing that makes a person’s blood boil.

Family and friends can make life quite colorful, both in pleasurable and distasteful ways. Since a relationship in your life has such a strong impact on how you feel, it is imperative to be mindful of consideration and respect towards it. I would add some more words to my repertoire of good etiquette –and these are mindfulness and forgiveness.

Past is past 

Detaching yourself from past issues, severing unhealthy relationships, and letting go of the small stuff are must. You do not deserve to be chained to people or things that diminish your joy and peace in the present. Those closest to you can be the most fragile relationships. It’s normal for families to undergo stressful emotional and mentally exhausting problems, but these don’t have to last as long as most people allow them to. Issues that don’t get resolved fairly quickly can become more complex problems that create a cage around a person’s heart.

You have to realise that what often cages you is under your own control, especially if it stems from the past. Bitterness or grudges towards someone do not affect the recipient as much as they affect the one harbouring them. Often, when people experience these feelings toward relationships, it feels like a mind-blockage that is restricting creativity and freedom, besides being manifested in our communication and body language. Creativity soars when your mind is clear , allowing you to reach a level of brilliance that’s hard to find. It’s time to let go of the pain you’ve been bottling up inside from a burnt relationship. Things may have not turned out the way you intended but that is in the past – it’s over, so you must move forward. 

The three Cs of relationship

The sooner you confront and resolve the issue, no matter how painful it is, the sooner you will feel better about your past, present, and future. So, as a relationship coach, I believe in the magic of the 3C’s of emotional management –capture, confront and converse.

Capture what is tarnishing a relationship. Confront the situation and the person. Invite the person to a crucial conversation. Be generous with appreciation and frugal with rejections. If she has admitted her mistakes and is now making an effort to come back to you with renewed commitment and love, be the fast one to forgive. But then do remember to be assertive this time and not allow yourself to fall into the trap of old games you would have succumbed to. 

Time to move on

Empty yourself of the guilt and anger you felt towards this relationship, allowing the feelings of love, joy, and acceptance. You can’t change the people around you but you can change the people around you, and change the you. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful gifts we can give even though letting go of the negative feelings may seem inconceivable at the moment. When you can forgive others and forgive yourself, you can begin to clear your mind of the guilt and shame that clouds your mind. Go ahead and do yourself a favour by moving on. 

((Chaudhary is a Chandigarh-based image and style consultant)

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