Love, loyalty and marriage

Dr Satish K Kapoor

‘Deem the body in which there is not love, a place of cremation.’ — Sheikh Farid

Love has its roots in purity, faith and virtue. It covers the whole gamut of human relations and provides the key to harmonious living. True love renders glow to the body, creativity to the mind and beatitude to the soul. In a higher sense, it is the law of being. Love is god; god is love.

Sufi faqirs distinguished between ishq majazi, love of physical form, and ishq haqiqi, love of the formless Being. Love can also be classified in terms of guna-s or qualities, as sattvic, rajasic and tamasic. Sattvic love is selfless and unalloyed, like that of the mother for her children. Reverential attitude towards god, guru or a noble person, is also sattvic. Take, for example, the cases of Shabari who tasted each jujube-fruit before serving it to Shri Rama; gopi-s of Vrindavan who danced to the notes of Shri Krishna’s flute; or of Mirabai and Surdas, whose pure feelings were transmuted into soulful prayers. Sattvic love is also viewed as the beneficent affection of god for humanity.

Rajasic love has the element of the self in it. It is passionate with a purpose. Sometime, it is goaded by primary biological or social instincts. Love of progeny, wealth, name and fame is also rajasic. In its lofty state, rajasic love assumes the form of respect, friendship, generosity, philanthropy or institutionalised social service. Tamasic love is selfish, sensuous, fickle, and often one- sided. It wants to possess, exploit or subdue the other.

Love and marriage

Love in marriage has a peculiar significance of its own. Fidelity being the bedrock of family, both husband and wife are expected to remain faithful to each other. Promiscuity triggers shades of deceit and duplicity, divesting the human aura of its sparkle. The fear of being caught in an adulterous act, and the guilt which accompanies it, debilitates the spirit. Adultery breaks up families and creates disharmony in society.

Fidelity and religions

Whatever may be the cause of infidelity – plain adventure, dissatisfaction with one’s partner, exigency of circumstances, or some other, it is regarded as a heinous act in mainstream religious traditions. It is forbidden by the sixth commandment of the Decalogue. Buddhism and Jainism regard adultery as a transgression of the moral law. Sikhism exhorts husband and wife to remain true to each other in thought, word and deed. In Islam, violation of the marital contract is said to bring six dire consequences in this life and the next world. According to the 11th century Imam, ali- Bayhaqi , of the Shafii scool of thought : ‘It removes the glow of one’s face, brings poverty, reduces life-span, brings down the wrath of Allah upon the person, subjects him to terrible reckoning, and finally casts him in hell-fire.’

Panigrahana sanskara

In panigrahana sanskara, a Hindu marriage rite, love is given a somewhat spiritual orientation. The bridegroom holds the right hand of the bride with the verse, ‘I seize thy hand for the sake of happiness, that thou may live to old age with me, thy husband….This I am. That art thou. That art thou. This am I…. The heaven I, the Earth thou….Into my will I take thy heart; thy mind shall dwell in my mind; in my word thou shall rejoice with all thy heart. May the Lord join thee to me.’ Human love is transformed into spiritual love, when the couple transcends physical desire, and strives to live at a higher plane of consciousness. Marriage is a sacred bond. Illicit relation is toxic. Manu Smriti IX. 101) advices: ‘Let mutual fidelity continue until death’.

(Dr Kapoor is a noted educationist, historian and spiritualist)