Stuck in the middle of it all

Col HP Singh (retd)

IWAS reading a book while waiting for my flight when a group of men came and sat beside me. Their gossip became an impediment for my reading so I decided to take a break and closed my eyes as I listened to their woes. While one was upset over his son’s studies, the other spoke of his ailing mother. Another grumbled about his health and yet another about his wife’s mood swings. They had one thing in common — they were all in their middle age. 

We may deny it, but the crises one accosts at this stage of life cannot be wished away. For most people this is a watershed when careers stagnate, health starts giving way and youthful looks are a things of the past. But midlife crises isn’t just about increasing waist lines and decreasing hair growth. It is also about being stuck in the middle of two generations, each constricting your freedom of thought and action. While the older generation doesn’t want to hand over the reins yet, your progeny is in a tearing hurry to take over the controls from you. For your elders you are the same child you were decades back, while your offspring consider you to be an outdated model. The senile senior generation is adept at making you feel guilty for the pain it underwent bringing you up, but the impulsive junior generation feels that you had an easier life as competition for survival was much less then. 

If you commit the cardinal sin of reasoning out with your elders, the Baghbaan movie is narrated to everyone, and if you have expectations from your younger ones, Piku is thrust before you. No one listens when you talk about Raj Kapoor’s Kal, Aaj Aur Kal which is sympathetic towards middle age. It’s time to stop believing that you can live up to the expectations of any of these generations. Ironically, you are still responsible for wellbeing of these two obstinate generations on either side.  

So is it all that life has to offer? Certainly not. You are by now much more aware about yourself and have learnt to filter away minor irritants coming your way. Till now you worked for money, now you realise that your salary was actually a bribe paid for giving up your dreams. No wonder people at this age pursue their passions, pick up hobbies and take to creative activities. While some get philanthropic, others get into self-actualisation.

Being a buffer between two generations you can actually lean on the wisdom and experience of the elders while at the same time recharge yourself with the enthusiasm and energy of youngsters. Accepting the tantrums of child-like elders without rancour and appreciating that your children may have come through you, but are not owned by you, will only assist you in developing an attitude to age gracefully, which in itself is an art. You still have a lot of life left to indulge in.