Work on your dislikes

Harrish Sairaman

People around us have a strong impact on our state of mind, emotions and life on the whole. Having said that, do we get to choose the people we have in our life? In most cases, we don’t and dealing with such a situation can be challenging. It leads to emotional turmoil, which can affect other areas of your life. So then, what are your options? Avoiding, dragging or living with it. In my opinion, transforming the situation into a productive working relationship is the toughest yet the most rewarding option that you should try. It may certainly not be the easiest route, but has the capacity to transform your understanding of how relationships work effectively. I, personally see it as a tremendous opportunity to face your own barriers, break them and grow. 

So, how do you work with people whom you don't like? Some ways are as follows:

1 Be in control: Do you like to be in control or out of it? Your emotions are a validation of the same. Don’t let others control your emotions, especially people whom you dislike. If their presence triggers a negative emotion, it is YOU who is vulnerable. Be in the conscious awareness that if you have to work together you have to be balanced and keep a track of your own emotions. 

2 Past is not equivalent to future: A lot of times a past event is responsible for the current response and in such cases ‘believing that the future can be better’ than the past is a great way to work together. With this belief your mind will get attuned to work on ‘possibilities’ rather than revising the limitations. 

3 Talk it out: This is one of the most popularly given advice in such cases and it seems to be the most logical, yet is the most difficult approach. The most commonly practiced way is to avoid talking to a person you dislike. But this is just a temporary and an illusive solution. Instead of taking the easier way of avoiding, take the tough route of regularly talking and discussing with that person, not just in formal set ups but in casual ones, too. This is very tough but equally rewarding. You are now in a better position to understand their thoughts, perceptions and beliefs and hence in a better position to even influence them.

4 Every behaviour has a reason: Be it good or bad, negative or positive, every behaviour has a reason. If you dislike someone it is because of his/her behaviour, attitude, approach etc. Whether you like it or not, be aware that their ‘behaviours have a reason’.  So, instead of judging, getting curious to know the reason and working around it will help you be in control and get into an introspective responding mode rather than a predictable reactive mode.

5 Use it as a stepping stone: Any challenge that doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger. This only means that every test is an opportunity to become stronger and stronger. You will come across many more such people in life, isn’t it? If you are unable to handle such people now, what will you do in the future? “If what used to be problem, is still a problem, you still haven’t learnt from it!” So, use this situation as a test, introspect, explore, grow and succeed in a such a way that the next time if a similar situation comes, it’s not a problem for you anymore.

— The writer is a noted motivational speaker (www.harrishsairaman.com)