Register your gifts

Aradhika Sharma

The capacious bag slung on the shoulder of the mother of the bride and groom is as intrinsic to an Indian wedding as the elaborate outfits, the gold jewellery and the mithai dabbas. This ample purse is the receptacle of the shagun lifafas (bounty envelops) gifted by the guests. Of course, the customary polite denial “what was the need for this formality?” must take place before the lifafa exchanges hands and the bag’s mouth opens slightly, just enough to deposit the shagun with its brethren.

In another scenario, the guest waits — awkwardly holding a gaily wrapped gift — for the opportunity to hand over the present to his hosts and, thereafter, hit the bar and buffet and the dance floor.

Scenario three is where the guest arrives with a bouquet of flowers, which in a venue already overflowing with floral decorations, are politely acknowledged by the hosts and then handed over to an obliging service person.

Among the three gifting options in a typical Indian wedding, the lifafas get the first preference followed by the gifts of the guests’ choice and, lastly, the flowers. This is followed by entries of shagun in a register along with the amount gifted. For ever after, that sum will form the benchmark for the amount that will be gifted back to that person in case of a wedding in his/her family. Inflation may or may not be considered.

“This was a very serious process and followed meticulously by the older generation,” says 59-year-old Gurpreet Singh Bhattal. “My aunt, for example, was the first in the family to get her daughter married. Thereafter, she meticulously used the entries in the shagun register to decide how much she would give at the weddings of her nephews and nieces. If, for example, one family had three marriageable children, she would give only one-third of the amount that the family had given her daughter at each marriage.” 

Trends, however, finally seem to be changing. In the West, the prospective brides and grooms have shifted to the system of gift registry or wedding lists (called bridal registries in the UK) for their weddings. Essentially, this means that the newlyweds choose items they would like to possess and communicate their preferences to their friends, family and guests. Registry service is usually provided free of charge by various stores to the engaged couple. Once the purchase of a listed item has been completed, the store updates the gift registry portal. The couple may register for household items but, these days, with men and women living-in before getting married, they may request for things like donations to help pay for their flights or their honeymoon trip in addition to the traditional gifts from any store. Some couples even list their favourite charities and ask for contributions for them.

India, however, is far more traditional as regards marriages, births and deaths and Indians have customs and traditions imbued in their DNA. Still, with more and more people opting for e-cards and simpler weddings, it seems that change may be imminent. Possibly in the near future, wedding registries would find takers, especially as the custom recently received celebrity endorsement from the much-publicised wedding of Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas, wherein they partnered with Amazon to create a bridal registry for their wedding.

Priyanka Chopra simply posted on Instagram that she and Nick had created a ‘wedding gift registry’ and had selected the items that they would like as gifts. All that the guests had to do was to log in to the Amazon wedding registry, peruse the items listed and select the one which they’d like to gift to the couple. There was an element of charity involved as well, wherein Amazon had donated $100,000 donation to Unicef, a charity that the actress has been associated with. Win-win situation whereby Priyanka-Nick get the desired gifts, Unicef gets a hefty donation and Amazon gets promotion.

But how would a nation that’s used to shaguns take to the online registering of gifts? Would people be willing to allow their offsprings to choose what they desire instead of thrusting the dowry or items of their choosing upon them? Items that comprise everything from cars to furniture to masala boxes?

Dr Mona Chopra is completely in favour of wedding lists. She remarks: “The concept of gift registry was introduced to me about 25 years back when my cousin was getting married in the US. The elders of the family thought it was quite impersonal, but made complete sense to me. The guests are generally not aware of the requirement of the newly-wedded couple and end up buying gifts as a good gesture. Everything costs, and it makes sense to gift something that is in accordance to the couple’s choice and requirement. It’s a good trade-off both ways. A gift registry reduces the load of going around and looking for the right gift that will be liked and used by the couple.” Also, there’s no duplication of gifts and the recipients aren’t loaded with gifts that are of little use to them.

Seema Randhawa, a senior manager in an IT Firm, however, has another point of view: “While I agree that wedding registries are better than random gifts the guests may give to the couple, shaguns are just as useful. The aim is to enable the couple to choose whatever it wants. So, whether it’s a gift from a website or actually buying something with the cash they’ve received, it’s the same thing, isn’t it?”

Sixty six-year-old Madhu Verma differs: “Shaguns are meant to partially compensate the wedding expenses undertaken by the bride and groom’s parents, so the gift money usually remains with them. The couple’s household is usually stocked up by the parents. In that sense, yes, the couple doesn’t really get to choose.”

Akanksha Mahajan, senior manager in an IT firm, says millennials march to a different drummer than their parents. “With increasing digitisation, there is no reason that bridal registries will not become prevalent. The young adults are a practical generation, not afraid to either demand or pay for what they want. Therefore, traditional rules don’t apply to them. For example, here’s a scenario: restaurants in Pune are now serving half-filled glasses of water as a measure to save water. In a country where water is served the moment a guest walks in, this is a huge transformation. My point is that the country is poised to accept positive change and if the change is practical and eases life, it will happen, sooner than later.”

Marriage registry is, in fact, a game without losers. In the days where even the relatively detached gift cards are gaining popularity, purchasing an item that’s been chosen by the engaged couple is personal enough. The giver is assured of appreciation for his gift and feels that his money has been well spent.