A Niagara named Viagra
MY first reaction on hearing the news that an American pharmaceutical company Pfizer had marketed a pill, Viagra, which restores potency to the sexually impotent was one of joy and relief. “Thank God, it will save our rhinos and tigers from extinction.” No doubt you know that rhinoceros horns and tiger bones are extensively used in Chinese medicines as aphrodisiacs by the Arabs. Druggists pay enormous prices to poachers who supply them with the raw material. The biggest enemies of our tigers and rhinos are impotent Chinese and Arab sheikhs. There are other animals and reptiles which will also be spared when Viagra is readily available at a reasonable price.In India, a popular quack remedy is lizard skin oil. Although chemically proved to be as useless in curing impotence as yunani kushtas and ayurvedic preparations made of crushed silver, gold and pearls, they continue to be in great demand. Viagra, a heart-shaped, blue pill, has been scientifically tested and has proved efficacious without too many side effects. It is only three months old but already a million Americans are known to be taking it. It costs them no more than $ 10 a pill. But a huge market for Viagra has grown all over the world. Though people are warned that it must not be taken without a doctor’s prescription, it is being smuggled out of the USA in large quantities and sold in the black market at hundred times the original price. Though only a few countries have cleared it for import, it is available in most metropolitan cities, including Mumbai. And though the manufacturers have issued warnings that people with heart ailments, urinary infections and diabetes should not take Viagra, such warnings are ignored. Within the first month of its being put in the market, 16 Americans died of heart seizure or stroke after using it.Not many people realise that during coitus, the rate of heart beat and blood pressure go up to dangerous levels. Men have been known to die in the act or the day after of heart attack or a paralytic stroke.The general acceptance of Viagra as a safe rejuvenator of sexual urges and performance has begun to make radical changes in social and moral behaviour.
Viagra has also ushered in changes in language. There was a time when words with sexual connotations were taboo in polite society and banned on radio and T.V. Then came Kinsey’s Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male followed by Masters and Johnson and the Shere Hite Report on the importance of sex in society. They were debated openly. During the Bobbitt case, all restraints on language disappeared. President Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky became the subject of gossip in high society. Clinton jokes now appear regularly on the Internet. In short, the little heart-shaped blue pill has proved to be a veritable Niagara Falls in the male world.
Manto on religious fanaticism
Saadat Hassan Manto, the celebrated Urdu short story writer and novelist was known for his devastating wit. No one has written as well as he did on the stupidity of communal passions. In one story he wrote of inflamed Muslim passions against the Hindus in Lahore. After attacking a Hindu mohalla, the mob turned to attacking the statue of Sir Ganga Ram, the Hindu philanthropist. They first pelted the statue with stones; then smothered its face with coal tar. Then a man made a garland of old shoes climbed up to put it round the neck of the statue. The police arrived and opened fire. Among the injured were the fellow with the garland of old shoes. As he fell, the mob shouted: “Let us rush him to Sir Ganga Ram Hospital.”
How much do the common people know about their religion for which they are willing to lay down their lives? According to Manto, very little. He writes of a Pathan who caught an Indian and was about to kill him. “Tell me who are you?” he demanded.
“Me, Sir? I, I”, shouted the fellow.
|“Speak up you son of satan! Are you Hindu or Muslim?”
“Sir, I am a Mussalmaan.”
The Pathan demanded, “Then tell me the name of our rasool (Prophet).
“Mohammed Khan,” replied the fellow.
“That’s okay,” said the Pathan, “You can go.”
Wrong number
A father was pleasantly surprised to see his teenage daughter answer the telephone and then hang up after talking for only 20 minutes instead of the usual hour. He congratulated her on keeping the conversation so brief and asked her which of her friends had cooperated.
“That wasn’t a friend,” she said, “It was a wrong number.”
(Courtesy: Ujagar Singh, Chandigarh)
Canine wisdom
Santa: Banta where did you get this dog from?
Banta: This is a police dog.
Santa: But he doesn’t look like one.
Banta: No, he is in the C.I.D.
Dog food
When Banta returned home he found his wife very depressed. He asked why she was in low spirits. She replied, “I made a custard pudding for your dinner, but your dog Moti ate it up.”
“Not to worry,” replied Banta in soothing tones, “I’ll get you another dog tomorrow.”
(Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal)