Need for tolerance
By Taru Bahl

"I AM allergic to heat", "I cannot tolerate noise and pollution", "I get by social climbers and gossip mongers", "I get hyper when I am caught in the crossfire between two disagreeable people"— aren’t these some of the common responses we meet in the regular course of our lives? Responses which reveal very personal details about the individuals concerned but at a deeper level expose their intolerance to environmental, behavioural and/or social factors. With scientific advancement there has come about sophistication in lifestyles. Push button technology has ensured answers to almost every conceivable dilemma. But it has also made people highly individualistic, insulated and intolerant.

Newly weds don’t fancy living in large extended families (unless it suits them) and don’t have the necessary patience and temperamental backing to adjust to the needs of a teeming household. Working people are succumbing to the demons of stress, chronic fatigue, tension and chaotic lifestyles as they break down or take refuge under the deceptive shield of painkillers, anti-depressants, energy boosters, alcohol and other rejuvenating therapies. The ability to withstand physical pain has gone down as overall health profiles of young people show a sharp contrast to the robust health of their counterparts a generation ago and this is not because of adulterated food and crash diets alone. Advancement in the medical profession may have increased life span but it hasn’t succeeded in building resistance levels, strong immune systems and a hearty, glowing age and stress defying body-mind mechanism. Mental health is plummeting and new ailments are being diagnosed.

Today no one wants to suffer pain, discomfort and delays. Youngsters want to embark on their adult lives with all the trappings of comfort and luxury. They do not want to ‘rough it out’. Those of us who pride ourselves on our ‘superior’ minds and intellect don’t want to suffer the company of dim-witted people. The meri marzi generation flaunts its credo. If you don’t like something dump it, opt out, seek fresh pastures. Is it little wonder then that marriages are breaking up before the first year is out, children are fighting with parents over property and money, employees are switching jobs in the blinking of an eye, young people are burning out before they turn 40, and newspapers are full of stories about how celebrities are getting into nasty brawls over trivial issues.

Are we turning into an insensitive, weak and intolerant society ? Schools in the USA teach tolerance, respect and community building. Teachers go through special programmes so that they can inculcate tolerance training in the academic curriculum. The recent shoot-out in a USA school sent shock waves amongst educators, parents and policy-makers at the high intolerance levels of the present generation.

Modern hate wars, as they are called, can only be countered if peppered by tolerance, gentleness and patience. Unless one is calm and collected, one cannot be rational. There are times when one has to learn to ignore, develop a thick skin and laugh off things. At times it makes sense to wear an iron mask and not reveal one’s feelings and react/attack when the time is right. Tolerance in some cases has to turn into compassionate understanding.

Tolerance has to be a strength, a weapon which helps us keep our balance in the toughest times. The moment it becomes a weakness it loses its meaning. Suffering indignities, tolerating injustice and enduring needless pain is an act of cowardice which reveals a weak personality and low integrity. Too much tolerance is not a good thing, especially when one is trying to shield a loved one. One must not take nonsense beyond a limit. Tolerance to a fault becomes a limiting factor, sapping one of energy and the ability to think clearly. True tolerance has to be a combination of both mental and physical strength.

The dictionary defines tolerance as a fair and objective attitude towards those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality differ from one’s own. It is liberal impartiality. It incorporates forbearance and endurance without traces of repugnance. People who are tolerant live and let live. They are not judgmental. They are happier and have a larger and more intimate circle of friends and family. Today, more than ever before, there is a need to be tolerant. There could be times when we may not personally like what the people around us are wearing, speaking and doing but so long as we are not bullied into following them we must accept them. And if there is something which is really wrong, maybe even advice and caution them.

History is full of examples of people and communities which have shown high resistance and tolerance. The Jews went through the nightmarish experience of the concentration camps to emerge as one of the most powerful communities in the world. Then there were the Blacks in the USA who survived apartheid. Ahimsa, according to Gandhi, teaches us to respect other religions as we respect ours. Tolerance, according to him, gives us spiritual insight which is as far from fanaticism as the North Pole is from the South. True knowledge of religion breaks down barriers between faiths. Cultivation of tolerance for other faiths will impart to us a truer understanding of our own. Tolerance obviously does not disturb the distinction between right and wrong or good and evil.

One cannot be tolerant without being restrained and disciplined. When we choose to ignore a nasty barb made at us in a party, not out of cowardice or submission but out of an awareness that a rejoinder would sully the bonhomie of the gathering we are displaying enormous self control, maturity and tact by absorbing the insult and not reacting.

People like Gandhi and Buddha had a lot of anger in them which they learnt to control. Even Mother Teresa used to say that unless you are tolerant you can neither help those around you nor can you do any good to yourself. One must cultivate the ability to absorb both positive and negative influences like a sponge. One has to take the bad things in one’s stride and assimilate the good things without allowing them to go to our head. This sense of control, logic and level-headedness can come only to those who are tranquil and at peace with themselves. They rarely suffer from depression and panic attacks. They also don’t go overboard with their happiness in good times. There is a old Chinese saying which sums up the psyche of the strong tolerant person: "One who is skilled in defeat shall never see destruction. Defeat is the mother of success. One can tolerate only by tolerating."