
by T.V.R.
Shenoy
Thackeray
ko gussa kyon aata hai
BAL THACKERAY ko gussa
kyon aata hai? Shiv Sainiks, poor inarticulate folk that
they are can only mumble, Kuch kuch hota hai!
Their enigmatic leader, however, indulges in a veritable
Yaadon ki baraat, beginning with, though not
limited to Kashmir ki kali.... But I think I
have managed to dig out something from his rambling
answers. Decide for yourself if at least one of the
following isnt the haqeeqat.
Reason No 1: Balasaheb is
a modern man. He knows that cricket isnt exactly
popular with the jet-set. Today, deals arent made
by men lounging, around the galleries at a cricket
stadium. No, it is on the golf link that the movers
and shakers congregate to plot and plan. But there
is paucity of space for 18 holes in our cities. Or is
there?
Well, not any longer.
Nobody really wants to play in Delhi after the
Australians complained about the literally breath-taking
pollution. So Thackeray decided to put Ferozshah Kotla to
good use. He sent his soldiers marching in, shovels at
the ready, and you had several holes ready. Now the
Indian Capital has an excellent course.
Reason No 2: Bal Thackeray
is planning to go back to his roots. People dont
remember this today, but back when the Shiv Sena was
formed in 1967, Hindutva wasnt at the top of the
Thackeray agenda. No, he began by railing against what he
described as South Indian domination of jobs. He
didnt particularly like Gujaratis and
Hindi-speakers (Bhaiyas in Thackeray-speak)
either, but Madrasis were his pet hate.
Marmik, the journal
founded by the Shiv Sena chief, went to the extent of
publishing large chunks of the Bombay telephone directory
to prove how few affluent Marathis there were in the
capital of Maharashtra. And when all else failed the
ubiquitous Udupi restaurants became a target. But how,
you may justifiably wonder, is all this tied in with
todays events?
Well, take a look at the
Indian cricket team of 1999. The captain is
Hyderabads Mohammed Azharuddin. The anchor of the
squad is Karnatakas Rahul Dravid, and the same
state also provides the spearhead of the bowling attack
in the form of Anil Kumble, Javagal Srinath, and
Venkatesh Prasad. True, there is Sachin Tendulkar, but
how many other Bombayites, sorry Mumbaikars, are there in
the Indian XI?
In any case, the Shiv Sena
chief probably wonders, what kind of a game is cricket?
How can any self-respecting son of the soil possibly
respect a game that didnt even come in through
Gateway of India, but through Tellicherry in Kerala? That
is right, cricket was played in Kerala long before the
Gymkhana, Brabourne and Wankhede grounds were ever
conceived.
I rather think a young
colonel called Arthur Wellesley played there. So the
future Duke of Wellington didnt really win the
battle of Waterloo on the playing fields of Eton
which didnt exist when he was at that school any
way! No, the seeds of Napoleons downfall were
planted in South India.
Reason No 3: Believe it or
not, Bal Thackeray is a kind and thoughtful man who
doesnt want the Indian public to be disappointed.
Surprised? Well, permit me to tell you a story I heard
from Justice Saldhana of the Karnataka High Court.
He says he was once
hearing a long and messy divorce case. Compromise
wasnt a word in the dictionary of either warring
partner, both of whom insisted on taking custody of their
four-year-old son. Ultimately, the judge got heartily
tired of both parents and their lawyers. He decided to
leave the issue to the person most intimately concerned
and summoned the young lad to approach the Bench.
How would you like
to live with your mother?
Not at all,
the boy replied instantly, she keeps beating
me.
Ah, so you want to
stay with your father then! the judge said.
No, came the
reply, he is even stricter.
Well, said the
perplexed judge, you certainly arent old
enough to go around alone. With whom would you like to
be?
The boys eyes lit
up. Can I live with the Indian cricket team?
The judge decided that he was confronted by yet another
man who chose to hero-worship Tendulkar or Dravid. But
put to the question, the young man denied it.
I want to be with
Azharuddins men because they never beat
anyone! he said.spare us precisely such a spectacle
and that was why he was so adamant about not allowing the
Pakistanis to come over!
|