The sordid tale of domestic violence
By Reeta Sharma

IS Avtar Kaur’s brutal murder in Khuda Ali Sher village within the four walls of her home all about domestic violence or an aberration? Is the perverted violence inflicted on her body and soul by her husband and a dependent niece ( daughter of husband’s sister) a rarest of rare incident? Do we not get to hear and witness instances of domestic violence? Does brutal psychological and, at times, physical torture not exist in our neighbourhoods?

The answer to the first two questions is ‘no’ while that of next two questions is ‘yes’. It leads us to the conclusion that domestic violence in our country is on the rise. My anguish right now is over the attitude that we all have adopted with regard to domestic violence in our society. The hypocrisy of our society has, in fact, contributed to the steady rise in the cases of domestic violence.

Take for instance the tragedy of Avtar Kaur. She gave birth to five children and was expecting the sixth one. Besides these births, she had undergone three abortions. She was being battered by her husband for nearly 19 years. The entire village was aware of her plight. Her eldest daughter,18, had died under mysterious circumstances. The rest of the children witnessed their mother being physically assaulted "by their father and aunt everyday without fail". Their father used bamboo sticks, iron rods, cloth-washing wooden stick, kitchen ‘chimta’ etc to thrash his wife because she objected to the relationship between her husband and his niece.

While battering Avtar Kaur, her husband and his niece used to put on loud music to drown her cries for help. This was common knowledge in the village. But no one ever intervened or informed the police. It was Avtar Kaur herself who approached the village panchayat on April 28. She gave gory details to the panchayat as to how her husband, in connivance with his niece, even inserted iron rods into her vagina to torture her. The story of gruesome torture told to the village wisemen was hair-raising, to say the least

Did the panchayat take a serious note of it? Did it act responsibly? Well, it informed the Chandigarh police. But was it enough? Why did the panchayat members wait for Avtar Kaur to come to them? When the police SI Mewa Singh told the panchayat to bring proof of Avtar Kaur’s plight, why did the panchayat return to the village without bringing it to the notice of higher authorities? Why did the panchayat not call her husband for an explanation?

This is because our society has the mind-set that it is family problem. It’s ironical that a majority of the members of our police force too are victims of this psyche. They believe that domestic violence is a private affair in which they should interfere only if it becomes a public nuisance.

Strangely, domestic violence is largely interpreted as physical violence by a husband against his wife on account of dowry, marital discord, etc. But under the law, domestic violence covers a much wider area of physical acts, instances and relationships. It also includes mental torment caused by holding out threats within the four walls of a home. This kind of violence may take place between husband and wife, daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, or other in-laws, between a father and his children, between brothers, and between various other relations.

There are cases in which a daughter-in-law has become a terror against her old and dependent father-in-law or an old mother-in-law. Then there is a case in which a brother has been physically assaulting his brother and two sisters. He has terrorised them with physical violence to such an extent that he literally rules them like a filmi villain. I came across a youngman who has been beating his old and retired parents (in Panchkula). This six feet two inches tall boy has got in his head that one day he will become a hero in Hindi films. Hence, he thinks that he has to maintain his body and wear fancy clothes. He himself is unemployed and unemployable.

Initially, misplaced ideas about social shame sealed the lips of his parents. However when the situations became unbearable they complained to the police. "They came two /three times, mildly rebuked him and left. Eventually they began scolding us for hassling them and stopped responding to our calls. Neighbours have never come to our rescue because he (son) bashed up some elderly men who had intervened. We want him to leave us in peace. He should go out and earn his own bread. We don’t even want to see his face. As long as he is home, we both remain so scared,"the mother cries inconsolably and pleads with me to help them.

However, the worst kind of domestic violence occurs at the hands of drug addicts and alcoholics. While the former can go to any extent of violent acts causing accidents, injuries, mental trauma and, at times, even deaths, the latter’s behaviour causes mental tension, apprehensions, physical violence, and psychological tension among family members. All their acts end up in domestic violence against the family members, both physical as well as mental.

Baldev Singh’s first wife, as per medical records, died in a local nursing home of excessive bleeding due to a miscarriage. But the reality, as shared by his two daughters (13 and 10), is that their father had mercilessly beaten her. When she began bleeding excessively, he took her to the nursing home where the woman was forced by him to state that she had slipped on the stairs. Unfortunately she could not be saved, but her statement helped her husband go scot-free. He later married another woman. Presently, his second wife and the two daughters are leading a miserable life. "We bolt the room much before his arrival. He bangs the door for hours before he goes to sleep in his room. Our room does not have an attached bathroom, so these little girls have to make do with a plastic bucket to answer nature’s call at night. He has been physically beating all three of us for the past 5 years. The police, whenever informed, have come but have not been effective," shares the tormented wife and the kind step mother of the daughters.

The ineffectiveness of the police in handling cases related to domestic violence is not only on account of their mind set but also because it is already over- burdened and over- worked. In the West, domestic violence gets the priority it deserves. The police certainly intervene and the member indulging in violence at home is physically removed and locked up. If the family does not want this particular person back, there is no way that he can dare enter the place. The state will provide shelter to this person, besides an allowances if he or she is unemployed or even an addict. The offender would also be provided counselling and medical treatment to bring him/her back to the mainstream.

Does it sound like a fairy tale? But this is true and is possible because these countries have small populations and vast resources. But in our country, saddled as it is with a large population, illiteracy, poverty and ignorance, on one hand, and self-promoting leaders, unaccountable government working and deep rooted corruption, it’s almost impossible to have an ideal solution to handle a sensitive issue like domestic violence. That it is on the rise can be gauged from media coverage and police records.

We can only have some humble beginnings. On one hand we need to sensitise our police in dealing with domestic violence. On the other hand,social awareness is required which can be achieved by organising neighbourhood meetings. Wherever we live we must act and respond as a community and as a clan. We must act as responsible citizens by forming mohalla committees and share each other’s problems. Policing alone is not the answer. We need to do our bit too.

This feature was published on May 15, 1999