Net picking

The stroll

AN elderly lady from a remote interior village went to one of Philadelphia’s most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece and husband. Nearby was a very well known golf course.

On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll. Upon her return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?"

"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields. There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were four men who followed me for some time, uttering curious excited barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too. Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out her hands, "I found a number of these curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they’re all about."

Do you believe...

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine..." the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you

Doggin it!

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town, which he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said: "I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too!"

Josh goes to Disneyland

Josh had always been a big fan of Walt Disney. He saw every film that the Disney Studios put out. So it was no surprise when he headed to Disneyland looking for a job as a tour guide.

And his interview went something like this:

Interviewer, "So why would you like to work for us?"

Josh, "I’ve been a big fan for many years. I reckon that I know as much about your characters as anyone. I’d make a darn good tour guide."

Interviewer, "Tell you what. If you can answer 3 questions, I’ll give you the job of Head Tour Guide."

Josh, "Sounds fair."

Interviewer, "First Question: Who is Mickey Mouse’s girlfriend?"

Josh, "Minnie Mouse."

Interviewer, "Second Question: Name our 2 most famous dogs."

Josh, "Pluto and Goofy."

Interviewer, "Very Good. Speaking of dogs, I assume you saw the movie 101 Dalmatians?"

Josh, "Sure did."

Interviewer, "Okay, name them."

2 + 2 =?

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked: "How much is 2+2?"

The housewife replies: "Four!".

The accountant says: "I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."

The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice: "How much do you want it to be?"

Courting

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"

The son smiled and replied, "I’m a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me no dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"

(These jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)