Sunday, October 20, 2002		Life Ties

Reaping a rich harvest and yet not enjoying the fruits of labour
Taru Bahl

HIS mother was upset when the family astrologer said that Kabir, her son, would scale pinnacles of success and acquire enormous material wealth but he would fritter it away in causes which would not be so worthwhile, on people who could be scavengers and on projects which may never appreciate. She was happy he had predicted that her son would rise above his background. However, the prospect of his making errors of judgement, taking losing decisions and becoming disillusioned grieved her. In the initial years, she tried being protective by checking out the people he got intimate with, before gently steering him into doing things which would not leave him hurt..

His giving nature was winsome but as a mother she worried for him. All she wanted was that he get what was due to him in terms of love, understanding and appreciation. He went out of his way to share toys, goodies and pocket money. While other kids would possessively hold on to their favourite toys or, worse still, hide them and lie about their non-availability, he would call the servant’s children and make them play with his battery operated games. His reward came from making people smile. Intuitively, he knew who was upset and needed cheering up. He reached out to them and made them feel special. He was indeed blessed with a natural sense of giving.

Her anxiety notwithstanding, she could see Kabir was growing up into a fine young man. He was cautious and dependable with an unadulterated heart of gold. He was also fiercely independent minded. A stage came when the sensible mother realised it was best to have faith in him and allow his innate goodness to guide him through different stages of his life. By hovering around like an over protective mother hen, not only was she stunting his growth but also marring her own relationship with him. She had to let him be, make mistakes if need be and to hopefully learn from them. Sooner or later, he would have to learn to hone his instincts and cope with the results thereof.

She remembered the time they were going through a financial crunch at home. Her husband was ailing and the hospital bills were soaring. With just one modest income it was difficult to keep the kitchen fires burning. Kabir was in the first year of college, a strapping young lad of 17. Without making a brouhaha he went to Sadar Bazaar, Delhi’s wholesale market, met some traders, raised capital and embarked on a business career. His first avtaar was that of a door-to-door salesman and the product – cosmetics, targeted at the lower and middle class housewife. That first month he combined college with selling, going every alternate day to Sadar, buying his stocks, selling them over two days and then replenishing them all over again. These excursions to the wholesale market required immense navigation and manoeuvering. Market research, salesmanship, negotiation, customer service, human resource management and public relations were things Kabir learned on the job. He earned a princely Rs 9,200 as profit the first month. This was promptly handed over to a friend who borrowed the money for a few days, citing an emergency. He later went into hiding. He had no intention of returning it. Though Kabir was shattered initially, he quickly came to terms with it, explaining with "maybe his need was greater than mine."

This brief tryst with selling set Kabir on an entrepreneurial journey. By the time he finished college, he had built a business in trading. But what let him down was not his inborn business sense or ability to sniff out an entrepreneurial project but his people-related choices. He had the uncanny nerve to repeat mistakes. He would eagerly agree to partner ventures with friends and their families, pooh-poohing the suggestion of systematically putting down financial transactions on paper and later be forced to accept that he had been taken undue advantage of. In his circle he was known to be an easy victim for those who could manipulate his feelings, feed him with sob stories and wangle huge sums of cash.

Where he went wrong was in blindly trusting the wrong set of people. However, more than that it was an image he had cultivated of himself which he wanted to nurture and protect. He was convinced that to be good, honourable and noble one must be large hearted. He felt it would be petty to then ask people for any sort of account, proof or undertaking. There were times he went out of the way to mobilise money in another’s hour of need. Initially, he felt euphoric helping them and in turn seeing them happily accomplish their tasks. But with time he was forced to see that barring a few, most had mastered the art of manipulating his feelings. Some had no intention of returning his money and were quite blatantly shameless at avoiding him, not taking his calls and point blank denying they had taken anything in the first place.

He was lucky in that his businesses were cash cows. They generated escalating profits even when the markets were cash strapped making some people in his circle insanely jealous of him. Though he never employed tough means to get his money back, easily putting it down to bad debts, his simply asking people for his own money put them on the defensive. What hurt was not the financial loss but the fact that people he considered close, betrayed him in such a calculated manner. He lamented his lack of human judgement.

Why had he not been able to develop the very same insight and astuteness which he deployed in his business propositions ? He rarely made a losing decision there, then why was he such a sucker where people were concerned ? Was it because he wanted to be loved in an unrealistic proportion ? Or did he want to put himself on a pedestal, embodying all virtues of holiness ? He saw people who were not half as giving as him and yet they were fortunate in receiving the love and respect of those around them. He was filled with uncertainty as he tried gauging what he truly meant to people. Did they love him for what he was or for what he had ? There was no knowing until he learned to be more discreet with his generosity, reserving it for only those who deserved it.

Most important, he had to get rid of the guilt he associated with his wealth. If he looked at his material position with respect and armed himself with the right demeanour to protect and safeguard it, he would automatically make the right decisions when it came to doling cash out for philanthropic or personal reasons.

He knew it would not be easy to develop a clinical approach towards helping people but he had to apply the same strategy he did when it came to doing business. If only to restore his faith in people and in himself.