Log in ....Tribune

Monday, October 21, 2002
Cyber Humour

Is Windows a virus?
From Sunil Sharma

No, Windows is not a virus. Hereís what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, thatís with Windows, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

Itís a bug.

Two-liners

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.

The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."

"Thank you, daddy, but where is the userís guide?"

Q: How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?

A: Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

 

Slippery screen-saver

Customer: "I have a very big problem! If you donít help me right now I will return the computer!" Tech Support: "Well sir, what can I do for you?"

Customer: "Well, I just got my system today, and my friend installed a screen saver, and it comes up fine... but every time I move the mouse it goes away!!!"