On commitment
By Taru Bahl

"HE slept beneath the moon, he basked beneath the sun, he lived a life of going to do and died with nothing done." This is the classic procrastinator who keeps postponing decisions to an elusive tomorrow. One fine day he wakes up and realises that life has gone by and he is more or less where he started. There have been no achievements, no real value addition in his personal or professional profile and no gain in terms of life experience. Is destiny responsible for his lacklustre existence? Or is it lack of opportunities, luck and resources? Maybe, it is a combination of incompetence and the fear of failure? All these could be partially responsible for his uneventful, nothing-to-celebrate existence but the one common chord which must have run through all his actions is his obvious lack of commitment towards anything that he took up or aligned himself with. His inability to make a commitment and see it through to its logical culmination withheld all possibilities of change, challenge, betterment and happiness that awaited him at every stage of his life.

We are called upon to make commitments all the time. When we commit ourselves to friendship we are endeavouring to stand by our friend in his good and bad times. Confidentiality, honesty, selflessness and unconditional love are part of the package. When a company makes a commitment to its customer-user, it is promising them prompt customer service, competitive pricing and overall quality. When two people get married they commit themselves to a lifetime of love, security, fidelity, responsibility and trust. When a student enrolls in a professional course he commits himself to hard work, dedication and skill-building. When a soldier joins the Army he commits himself to patriotism, sacrifice and putting country before self. An employee commits himself to productivity, integrity and loyalty to his employers. Commitment undoubtedly is the foundation, the bedrock of all relationships be it with individuals, institutions, countries, and situations or with one’s own self. One has to be convinced about the extent and nature of one’s commitment. No one is going to spell it out or draw up a contract enlisting all the ingredients that go into the ideal commitment recipe.

The dictionary defines commitment as pledging, devoting, assuring or entrusting oneself to a position on an issue or question. Interestingly, commitment can neither be bought nor demanded at gun-point. It stems from one’s value system and the way one has been bought up. Certain things are important to us, so much so that we can lay down our lives for it, suffer indignities, swallow insults, endure pain, humiliation and hardship. Commitments are something like that. They are made with the intention of keeping, come what may. The strength to honour them stems from an intensity, conviction and inner strength which perhaps we too weren’t aware existed in us.

Commitment is a sign of maturity. Intimacy, love and passion are crucial ingredients but what is life-giving to any relationship is the commitment level between the two parties. It acts as glue, a cementing factor making the foundation stronger and meaningful. Wherever there is commitment there is a feeling of security, dependability, solidness and faith which increases comfort levels, toughens the bond, weather proofing it against gossip, manipulation and the ups and downs of life. Individuals here are in a position to lend a helping hand to those around them. Where there is no commitment or a vague sense of non-commitment, you will always find the people involved edgy, irritable, shifty, high-strung, floundering and unpredictable in their mannerisms and behaviour. They create a lot of tension, stress and uncertainty.

According to Shiv Khera, "Integrity and wisdom are the two pillars on which to build and keep commitments. Integrity is keeping your commitments even if you are losing, and wisdom is not to make such foolish commitments in the first place." There are commitments which are made on the spur of the moment, relying on instinctive judgement. Committing to accompanying a friend for shopping or promising assistance to mother for a dinner party do not need much thought. Just a minute’s reflection to see if the time and effort needed from one’s end is in accordance with the general plan for the day. But once the commitment is made, it is our responsibility to remember and honour it. It is when one makes a habit of thoughtlessly committing and then conveniently forgetting all about it, that one is moving towards the unenviable state of complete breakdown in faith, character and personal integrity.

A person who is conscious of the commitments he makes feels very strongly about them. He knows what it means not just to him but to the other person as well. Which is why when he is unable to fulfil a commitment he apologises sincerely, offers an alternate help plan and is filled with remorse. He communicates to the other person his serious intent and empathy. Therefore, most commitments must be preceded with sufficient thought and analysis. They must be made with the intention of honouring them.

Certain decisions are taken spontaneously. Since one wants to see things working in a certain direction, one doesn’t think much of the effort, time and money that goes into implementing them. There is no conflict. Commitments here are made and honoured without even realising it because self-interest and self-gain are the deciding factors.On the flip side, there will be times when commitments are made out of a sense of panic and fear. When one is pressurised to act in a certain manner. Get married to a person of parent’s choice, take up a vocation which others feel is right, follow a routine dictated by others and undertaken chores, assignments which are against our natural grain. In order not to appear inept, weak and indecisive, or to take advantage of short-term gains one takes the plunge, not knowing how to float, leave aside swim. In such situations, one either collapses after a series of mishaps and showdowns, calling it quits, emerging a loser, or one stubbornly and rigidly sticks to the decisions one has made and commitments one has sworn oneself to but by killing a part of oneself. The mind is in the task but not the heart. There is a pall of gloom in the air, a palpable air of unhappiness and resentment. It is, therefore, imperative to think well and hard before taking major decisions. Don’t strike recklessly and irresponsibly ahead with every idea that comes to you.

One must never make those commitments which one cannot keep and also doesn’t intend to keep. That is the worst possible scenario. One says yes to someone’s request or plea and then promptly forgets about it because one had no intention of honouring it in the first place. Based on one’s resources and natural proclivities, one must have the honesty to say no to people one cannot do anything for. It is better to let them know they can expect nothing from us rather than keep them hanging, making excuses and being unable to tell them either way. It is painful to keep the other person in the dark. Whether it is regarding the formalisation of a man-woman relationship or the commitment of financial help to a distressed friend, place your cards honestly and truthfully in the beginning without ambiguity, false hopes and misguidance of any sort. A commitment, any commitment, must be a measure of our integrity and faith in ourselves. It must reflect our inherent goodness, self-esteem and strength of character.