Netpicking

A poem written by an African Shakespeare

Dear White Fella:

Coupla things you should know:

When I born, I black

When I grow up, I black

When I go in sun, I black

When I cold, I black

When I scared, I black

When I sick, I black

And when I die, I still black

You White fell

When you born, you pink

When you grow up, you white

When you go in sun, you red

When you cold, you blue

When you scared, you yellow

When you sick, you green

When you die, you grey

And you have the cheek to call me coloured!

I deduce....

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were on a camping trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.

Holmes said: "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well I see lots of stars"

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have a nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent!"

Common sense

A young man was taking a verbal test to join the local police force. The question asked: "If you were driving a police car, alone on a lonely road at night, and were being chased by a gang of criminals driving 60 miles an hour, what would you do?"

The young man answered without a second’s thought: "70!"

Snag

Some people are sitting in a bar, when one guy says:

" My name is Larry, and I am a S N A G"

Another guy says: "What’s that?"

Larry says: "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."

Another guy says: "My name is Garry, and I am a D I N K."

A girl at the bar asks: "What’s that?"

He says: "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids guy"

The lady says: "That’s nice. My name is Trioxide, and I am a WIFE"

Larry says: " A WIFE? What’s a W I FE?"

She says: "Oh you know, that means: Wash, Iron, Feed, Etc"

Mistake

A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he’d been given.

"This is $200 less than we agreed on," he said.

"I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you $200, and you never complained."

The contractor said. "Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

(These jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Roopinder Singh.)