Touching base in the jet age
By Mohinder Singh

TELECOMMUNICA-TIONS, it was assumed, will reduce the need for business travel. But business travel hasn’t decreased with new technologies. Indeed it has been registering a noticeable rise.

According to the statistics compiled by the Travel Industry Association of America, average business trips per year went up from 4.7 in 1988 to 6.3 in 1994. And the duration of such trips went up from 3.2 nights in 1991 to 3.6 in 1994. Nights spent out by frequent fliers grew up from 72.4 in 1989 to 88.7 in 1994. And a new class of super-frequent fliers has emerged who do over 50 airplane flights a year.

More likely the travel schedule of most business travellers makes them spend between three weeks and three months away from their family. Now this quantum of travel by working fathers can strain family relationships.

What makes it particularly tricky is the fact that everyone at home assumes business travel is fun, exciting, even glamorous. Sometimes it is. But such travel can get stale pretty fast. And it can be both exhausting and lonely.

How you handle your goings and comings — and your time of absence from home — has a big impact on your family’s reactions to your travels. Here are a few strategies that could help you to stay connected to your kids and family during all three phases of a trip: before you go, while you’re away, and when you return.

Obviously,before you commit to a trip, you have to weigh carefully the necessity for it. Business travel consumes not just the time while you are away, but all the time it takes to get ready to leave and all the reentry time.

Instead of travelling the night before, consider departing very early, the morning of the meeting. If you’re a frequent flier, this could save quite a few evenings for your family over a year. For example, a Delhi-Mumbai early morning flight could perhaps do as well, obviating the need of flying the night before.

Announcing your trip to your family as far in advance as you can, helps them absorb the fact of your absence. Especially with small children mention your trip repeatedly. What these children most need to know is when you are coming back in concrete terms that fit their sense of time.

For example, it may not mean anything if you tell your four-year old, "I’II be back by Saturday morning," if he doesn’t know his days of the week. Better connect your return to one of the week’s regular events: "I’II be back to take you to the chocolate store."

Children under three, in particular, may not understand that you are coming back at all. Start a project with them to be finished when you return. Remind him of it when you talk on telephone.

For childern ten and older, show them a map of your route — the cities, countries, continents or oceans over which you will be flying. With a good atlas or a home computer with access to the World Wide Web, you may show your family what locations you are going to and what it looks like. Web sites such as http:// www. travelcity.com or http://www. travelcom.es/ let you zoom in on many major cities and global landmarks. Incidentally , don’t romanticise your trip; you’re going for work, not vacationing.

Psychologists suggest that by helping with packing, children become used to the idea of your departure — and of your eventual return. Young children can "help" you pack by figuring out ways to squeeze socks into your suitcase. The family can have a special meal or a special dish at home to signal your departure. Or you can drive to the airport to "wish daddy good luck".

Phase two of travel is staying connected while you are away. Besides the usual telephone and mail, new technologies have created more options, including fax, e-mail, and videotape. If you use them in ways that fit your child’s stage of development and the rhythms of your family’s life, they are all excellent ways to keep in touch. Taking along a small family album — kept duly updated — is deemed a help against homesickness.

On telephone if you ask a child, "What did you do today?" you’re likely to hear, "Nothing." If you simply ask, "How was your day? you’II probably hear,"OK." For better connectedness, ask specific questions about what he ate that day or what game he played at school.

Try to establish a "best time" to call that will work for everybody in the family. That will also help establish your telephone call as a daily ritual for connection while you are away.

And if on calling home your wife complains or describes the problems she is having, do not — repeat, do not — offer immediate solutions. What she probably needs much more is your empathy and appreciation. After that, if she wants your advice, you can give it.

The third phase of business travel is returning to your family. Don’t expect to be able to pick up with things as they were before you left, especially if you’ve been away for the better part of a week. Reunions have their own rhythms.

Give everybody a chance to readjust, without expecting a dramatic welcome. Reestablish contact with each of your kids separately, such as sitting on your child’s bed for a few minutes to reconnect. After you have established contact with everybody separately, reunite with the whole family by doing something together — going out for a treat or an interesting visit.

Buying your child a big gift every time you travel over emphasises objects as signs of your love. Small inexpensive items can be fun, if they are chosen imaginatively. In a rush you can even do with those hotel or plane trinkets: miniature soaps or lotions, tiny jars of jam or ketchup.

And lastly, on occasions (after accumulating sufficent frequent flier miles) you can take your family along on a business trip. Planned properly it could be a mini-vacation for them without interfering with your business commitments.