The stage called middle age
By Mohinder Singh

MIDDLE age is that span in life when you admit to no longer being young and deny being old. And this span brings its own rage and other male indignities. The only two things you do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

The middle-aged body (pre-war models from 1930 onwards) calls for a special maintenance manual.

The areas of most common troubles: starting difficulties, exhaust problems, misfiring, loss of power, and chassis deterioration.

Periodic check-up and tune-up recommended every six months. You are cautioned not to try to turn back the odometer. True mileage can always be determined by examining other parts of the body.

Use unsalted fuel only. Older type fuels, such as desi ghee (no matter how well they once worked) will destroy machinery. Fuels should not be taken in late at night, and never again up to "full" level.

As to gears, do not be alarmed; there is no reverse.

General warning: equipment should be started slowly in the morning and not run at full power after dark.

Some of the tell-tale signs of middle age:

Your children begin to look middle-aged.

Not minding if someone else drives. Anyway finding that everyone drives too fast but you.

People not only ignore your advice but complain that you‘ve given it to them twice.

You are swayed by flattery from almost any source.

You start believing that to eat is human, to digest divine.

And you spend nearly as much time picking your teeth as in eating a meal.

You have to sit down to get into your trousers.

You often encounter the embarrassment of introducing someone whose name has slipped your memory.

At times you dial a number and by the time someone answers, you have forgotten whom you are calling — a syndrome known as dialapse.

You just smile inanely standing in crowded cocktail party room; you can’t hear precisely what’s being talked about.

Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.

You have enough room in the house but not enough in your medicine chest.

Your little address book mostly contains names of medical specialists.

One good point about middle age; it isn’t a communicable malady. But then you must realise that middle age, if not treated properly, will kill you.