They apply the soft, healing touch
By K.S. Bajwa

IN the aftermath of the unfortunate and much discussed sacking of Admiral Bhagwat, Chief of the Indian Navy, on December 30 ‘98, in a gathering of sundry bureaucrats, opinions and criticism of Bhagwat flowed thick and fast. The spirited defence of the Amiral by his wife, Nilofour Bhagwat, drew a great deal of adverse comment. Consensus of view was that, she was interfering in affairs of the Navy, in which she should have had no role to play. From here, it was only a step to generalise-" Most senior officer’s wives, whether their husbands are in the Army, the Air Force or the Navy, are much too involved in the affairs of their husband’s respective service and play a dominant role in their commands.

In fact it is virtually impossible to get a good annual confidential report and be assured of career advancement without pleasing the boss’s wife", was the trend of the views expressed. It was sad that members of country’s elitist administrative services, held views which could only emerge out of ignorance and prejudice.

The reality is far removed from these expressions. The soldiers’ wives make a valuable contribution to the mental and emotional health of their men engaged in a very demanding occupation. It would be no exaggeration to say that wives have a valuable role in the development of a cohesive group spirit, which ultimately affects the fighting spirit of units.

Throughout the ages, soldiering has been a male preserve. Even today, despite the surge for feminine equality, combat in battle largely remains a male prerogative. In India, despite some much publicised inroads made into uniform, we have not really conceded a substantive combat role to the women. Our fighting forces still remain strictly a male citadel. Nevertheless, behind the scenes and under the emotional surface, the delicate female plays a significant part.

It is the mothers, the wives, the sisters and sweethearts, who proudly send forth their men into war and provide the much-needed emotional and often also the spiritual anchor. Besides, their gentle feminity applies the soft human touch to dissipate the brutalising fallout of a profession which has a preoccupation with death and destruction.

Of all the women, perhaps the soldiers’ wives occupy a unique position in our society. They stand on the razor’s edge of a divide; on one side is the ethos of a soldier’s creed, the essence of which is to kill and to die for the safety and glory of a nation, and on the other, is motherhood, a compelling universal rhythm for continuity of life.

Young and old, these women face a primeval conflict between sharing the ever outward-bound yearnings of their men and the closer to their heart, inward-directed, needs of security of the family. Despite these conflicting urges, our women, with their roots reaching deep into the self-effacing culture of India, impart a soothing cadence to the life in service.

Their presence is not merely a bouquet of delightful colours at social gatherings and sports events. Nor is it only the raising of the much-needed welfare funds through fetes and fauji melas; nor the mutual teaching of finer points of domesticity in the welfare centres run in each unit. These are but the visible rhythms and patterns of their participation in the all-embracing life in service.

Of far greater significance are the mental, emotional and spiritual havens that the wives provide. In tightly structured and result-oriented service organisations, in which the very visible status spawns ambitions and often ruthless competition, bruised egos and burdened psyches would be commonplace were the wives not there to provide a healing touch.

Even in the very male domain of the command mystique and its interaction, where we do not concede the female a role, it is often their soft touch that smoothens the sharp edges of personalities and restores tranquility.

Service life is a close-knit community where no one (least of all the home makers) can stand apart. Ambience of life in service entities is very closely patterned on our village societies where every one pitches in to share joys, hardships and sorrows of those around us. I recall that when my regiment was stationed at Jhansi, one of the wives had a very difficult delivery. My wife and the second-in-command’s wife spent a number of days taking care of her and her children.

In 1964, I was charged with the task of raising a new regiment. With brash self-confidence, I accepted the challenge held out by my Divisional Commander, Maj-Gen (later Lt-Gen) M.L. Thapan and agreed to complete the raising in six months, as against a year and-a-half allowed by the Army Headquarters. While I drove myself mercilessly, I also often pushed my young and yet untried leaders, to almost a breaking point.

It was then that my gentle and unassuming wife would invariably come to my rescue. With her bevy of other wives, she would very unobtrusively apply the balm of diversion. An informal get-together, a simple meal or even a cup of tea would dissipate tensions and restore bonhomie. They also took under their wing the 36 odd young officers, fresh from the training schools and helped groom them into the finer nuances of shared social harmony.

In fact the cohesive group identity that we were able to forge, was a great deal due to their warm-hearted and generous inputs. To these charming and perceptive women we owed a large part of our success in raising a fine regiment, which soon earned laurels in battles we fought in 1965.

A fact of soldiers’ lives often overlooked by outsiders — and our bureaucrats are no exception to this — is that soldiers live away from their families for long spells. Even when located in a station where families are permitted, outdoor training and other duties take a toll of the limited time with families. It is therefore, natural for wives to be closely involved in all activities except those which are strictly military.

Even in that sphere opportunities can be created for participation without jeopardising service norms and security.

For instance in the run up to the war in December ‘71, my artillery brigade located at Talbehat had trained very hard to achieve peak battle readiness. Though located in a peace station, we were out in the field much of the time. The culmination of our training was a field firing exercise at Babina Ranges. To provide a sense of participation to the families, we arranged for them to witness the firing of a fire plan on the final day.

A separate viewing point organised for them, where commentators explained to them the ‘whys’ and wherefores of the fire plan. When the exercise finished, the families were sent to the gun positions to lunch with their husbands. Many a gunner with his chest puffed out, proudly explained to his spouse how his gun had hit the bull’s eye.

The wives too understood the important role their husbands were playing and were ready to send them off to the war looming on the horizon.

The soldiers owe much to their wives and acknowledge it with grace. We treat them with special consideration, care and courtesy. On their part while they do so much to make life better for soldiers, they do not interfere in their service lives. Undoubtedly, there may be some aberrations. Like Yahya Khan’s Pakistan, we too may have our General Ranis. Fortunately, they are very very few and far between, and then too a vanishing breed.

This feature was published on March 14, 1999