Being a soldier’s wife

Last weekend was my birthday, February 8. It also happens to be the month of love, the Valentine’s month. It seemed to be the perfect day to offer this tribute of true love to my husband, the late Brig LS Lidder, who lost his life in the CDS chopper crash in December 2021. The tribute was in the form of a book, straight from my heart.

The book is titled ‘I Am a Soldier’s Wife’. Well, we got married in 1996 and I have been a soldier’s wife since that glorious day… but these words were spoken right after the last rites of my husband, when I was asked by the media, and I said, “I am a soldier’s wife, I must give him a smiling sendoff.” Never ever have I felt this more profoundly that I need to be the soldier’s wife than at that time, when the soldier was gone.

This has started on a serious note, so does the book. It starts with the day when we lost him along with the others in the crash. However, like the subtitle of the book — ‘The life and love of Toni Lidder’ — the book is merely that.

An eternal romantic at heart, I love love stories. My own is my favourite. The book is a simple story of true love — a life well lived with precious memories and moments. I always believed that Toni was special. It was after he went that I realised that he was so special to so many people… and that gave me reason to recall and record my life with him. It is a simple, no-fuss book. In fact, you will find yourself in any of the chapters. It is like the Jane and John next door. They are all relatable to any couple, especially the Army ones, for it has glimpses of life as it passes us by, station to station, box to box.

Remember, I said the life and love of Toni Lidder, nowhere did I say loss. Yes, we lost him in the physical form, but three years after that day, I can say that he is always with me.

These years have taught me that love may not mean togetherness. How else can you explain Radha-Krishna, or Meera-Krishna… true love is faith and devotion, something I can never be short of where Toni was concerned. True love is in the form of Nandi, who has patience, complete surrender and faith as he waits at the door of the Shiv temple, unquestioning about the appearance of the lord. True love is in the form of Hanuman, who is pleased only by the mere mention of Ramji… do you know how many times you say Ram when you chant the Hanuman Chalisa? So, love is independent of physical presence. These analogies are only to justify my faith in the universe and the plan it has for everyone.

We barely ever had an argument and I would tease him — “I love you and you love you!” When we were courting, his coursemates used to say: “Geetika talks like Lakhy. In fact, she says something and looks towards him for validation.” When we got married, I was told by many elders of the paltan — “Humara sabse honhaar beta hai”, until one day, our CO’s wife told one of them: “Woh jaisa hai, yeh bilkul vaisi hai….” That was music to my ears.

Within 12 hours of his passing, I told myself, if I break down and shatter into pieces, it’ll be pieces of him all around, so I have to collect him within me now and reflect him within me — heaven knows it that I have tried my best to live with that spirit of the soldier within me. He and his memories have ensured that I continue to live in the way that would make him proud, befitting of the Lidder way! He taught Aashna and me to grab moments, make them memories and live a life of meaning, purpose and gratitude. We continue to do that as well as we can.

Yes, I have to reset my mind to think of a tomorrow without him in it, but the love we had will keep me warm forever. That love comes to Aashna and me in the form of all our friends who envelop us with their love. The purpose to each day comes from the institution where I serve — Shri Ram School gives me identity and relevance and impacting the children each day in my own small way is a humbling feeling which I am eternally grateful for. AWWA and its outreach and dependability is something that never ceases to amaze me. AWWA president Sunita Dwivedi and all other members make me feel so loved, respected and held.

My most respectful salute to the outfit which gave Toni his identity and made him who he was, the 2nd Battalion of Jammu and Kashmir Rifles, Bodyguard. ‘I Can Never Say Enough About the Men’ is the title of a book written on our unit, and I can only echo that.

As we say in Bodyguard

Some of us are gone

And some of us are far,

But all of us are proud

Of just who we are

We, the Bodyguards.

Being a soldier’s wife has taught me the harshest lessons in life — Toni taught me to not turn my back on the enemy. Here, when grief came calling, I opened the door to it, looked at it in the eye, adapted to it, adopted it and today, I own my grief. I carry it with me on my sleeve. After all, I am a soldier’s wife.

Jai Durge, Jai JAK, Jai Hind!