Why loneliness is becoming a big social issue

Acaste-ridden and class-divided society like ours is known for many problems and pathologies — from poverty and heightened socio-economic inequality to religious bigotry and patriarchal violence. But these days, this question often confronts me: Is there yet another problem — the psychic and existential crisis emanating from increasing loneliness among diverse sections of people in the Indian society? Or, is it that, as the Ministers of Loneliness in the United Kingdom and Japan suggest, this problem is confined primarily to the rich and developed societies?

Well, we might continue to pretend that in India, family and kinship ties are fairly strong, and because of this community support, loneliness is not a serious enough issue to be bothered about. However, the fact is that things are changing fast. And if your eyes are truly open, and your heart aches, you can feel it in gated communities in our big cities; you can experience it as you pass through the ‘lonely’ crowd; you can see it in the eyes of the old people waiting for a phone call from their ‘successful’ children settled in distant lands; and yes, you can find it even among young students ceaselessly striving for some sort of mythical success as discrete and atomised warriors in a hyper-competitive world. We should not forget that a study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health in 2022 found that 20.5 per cent of the adults in India reported moderate loneliness and 13.3 per cent severe loneliness.

One need not be a professional social psychologist to understand why loneliness — an experience of depersonalisation or faceless/anonymous/alienated existence; or, for that matter, a sense of void amid the steady disappearance of social connectivity that generates warmth and ethic of care — is becoming a major issue in our times. Think of, for instance, our two obsessions — time and speed. As this fast/mobile/technologically sleek world transforms every fragment of the clock into some sort of ‘use value’ for enhancing the rate of ‘productivity’ and ‘efficiency’, there is no surplus time — say, the time for what neoliberal global capitalism regards as ‘unproductive’ purposes such as seeing a friend as a friend, and conversing with him/her unconditionally; having a deep communication with old parents without ever looking at the clock or the mobile phone; or having a cup of tea with a neighbour, communicating freely, and going beyond the casual/artificial talk about cricket and the weather.

No wonder, our hurried existence — or, this obsession with ‘time management’— further intensifies the speed of the age. Our express highways, our airports, our Metro stations seem to symbolise some sort of sickness. With heightened psychic anxiety, we are running and running; there is no time to contemplate, to reflect, to merge with nature, and to feel light and relaxed. From fast food to dating apps, every aspect of life has to be consumed as fast as possible. Relationships need time, demand attention, care and slowness. However, as our priorities are upside down, we are becoming increasingly lonely. Imagine yourself in the crowd at the Churchgate railway station in Mumbai, or the Rajiv Chowk Metro station in Delhi. Imagine yourself travelling on a train without exchanging a single word with a fellow passenger. Or, imagine your existence in a 1,000-sq ft apartment in a gated community with complete indifference to your neighbours. Well, in these gated communities with fancy names, there is everything — 24×7 security, the alert eyes of CCTV cameras, demarcated parking spaces, clubhouses and swimming pools. Yet, there is hardly any deep relationship; neighbours are nameless strangers; you are your apartment number in the official register, and amid the showcasing of inflated egos (my car, my property, my position), there is no lightness of being that allows the flow of free-floating communication.

See the paradox: In the age of the Internet and the smartphone, we connect instantly with our ‘followers’ and ‘subscribers’; the quantification of Facebook friends might generate a feeling that we are connected. Yet, amid this illusory digital connectivity, what seems to have disappeared is the ecstasy of a direct face-to-face interaction with even those we love. In a way, we are becoming increasingly disconnected from people as the virtual reality surrounds our existence. Is it the reason that even at the dining table, parents and children can be seen engrossed in their smartphones? Because of this neurotic urge to find yet another ‘like’ for our Instagram post, we tend to miss the earthly smell of real people. We fail to live here and now with what some meditative Buddhists would have regarded as ‘mindfulness’.

As a teacher, what worries me further is the growing loneliness among our students. As everyone is turned into a ‘competitor’, or the worth of studentship is measured in terms of ‘placements and salary packages’, the acute stress and anxiety our students experience lead to the breakdown of communication. Yes, psychic anxiety, depression, loneliness and fear of others — negative traits, all — often haunt the young. The worst manifestation of this crisis can be seen in the latest data shared in the Rajya Sabha: Between 2019 and 2023, over 8,000 students dropped out from IITs, and 39 students died by suicide. Amid the normalisation of social Darwinism and the absence of a truly reflexive and emancipatory education, the existential agony of loneliness among the youth is going to become severe in the coming years.

Yes, loneliness is here. The only solution is a structural/cultural/psychic revolution that restores what really matters to our sanity — love, not the worship of money; calmness, not mindless speed; and the flowering of the self, not egotistic possessions.